Quirky Questions...

March 15^th is a hectic day for almost all students at Great Lakes. I would say the MOST hectic day! This is the day when many of us start and finish the yearlong empirical research study that we have to do at Great Lakes. I say almost all because those of us doing their research under the guidance of Prof. Venkat and Prof. Zubin have already finished the research well in advance (I believe some 3 months back… Sheeshh!!!). The rest of us, mortals, are still in the fray for the consolation prizes – meaning grades other than A!

When it comes to empirical study, there are all sorts in our class. Some of them (the like of ppl described above) are serious, deliberate and studious. Some do it for the all-important grades. Some do it because they have to inorder to graduate. Some… don’t do it! Ofcourse, this “Won’t do it” attitude is only till the last day for if we don’t submit our study, which amounts to 2 credits, we get an “F” grade. Which essentially means that our MBA does a double flip on its heels and then we can kiss it goodbye!

It was in this context that I gave a frantic call to Miss R. She is one of those “model” students, the pet of the Prof. and all in all a complete crackpot! (BTW, her study has been accepted at the ASAC Conference, Canada and she has promised me a suitcase full of chocolates when she returns. There Miss R, no escaping now!!).

Coming back to the topic, this how our conversation went:

Date and Time: 15^th March, 2009. 5:30 AM

“Tring Tring” (Phone rings, and after a persistent 7-8 rings it is picked up)

Miss R: “Hello George. What is it NOW!!??”

Well, you gotta hand it to her. She had been extremely calm considering I had been incessantly calling her and asking her for advice on the empirical study from day one. And this call was at an unearthly hour (I don’t care what Prof. Venkat says, I still maintain that 3-6 AM is as unearthly as they come).

Me: Heave Ho, Huff and Puff

Miss R: “George! Behave yourself! You should not wake a girl up at this hour and spray her with sleazy noises! Infact you should not call a girl up at any time and make sleazy noises! Shame on you!”

Well, she had a point. It is not gentlemanly to call a girl at unearthly in the first place and then to treat her to weird noises was worse! But honestly, I wasn’t trying any thing sleazy… it’s just the way I am!

Me: Croak and Cough

Miss R: “George! What’s the matter with you!!?? Have you turned into a frog or warthog or something? Not that it makes much of a difference!”

Again she had a point. I wonder if I should rethink about her being a crackpot… she was making perfect sense till now.

I finally found my voice

Me: “R… help… please…”

Miss R: “Get a grip on yourself dude! I know its something silly to do with the empirical study… Whats the problem?”

Silly?? Well, excuse me! Me no model student, but I do ask smart questions too y’know! Like the other day when one of our Profs was explaining the concept of Theory of Constraints, I asked a question that let even the Prof dumbfounded and open-mouthed… I asked. “Sir, if inventory pileup is the biggest enemy to any plant, then isn’t the best solution not to manufacture any inventory at all? Just manufacture the end product!” Well, there you have it! Perfect solution to your problems, GM and Ford. Maybe I ought to become an operations consultant… if Goldrat can do it, so can I… So there!!.

Me: Whining and Wheezing

Miss R: “Let me know when you stop making stupid noises! Ill wait”

Patience, thy name is Miss R!

Me: “R… not noises… no breath… going black all over… verge of death…”

Miss R: “Really? What a shame! I was gonna invite you over to finish the last 4 pieces of KFC that I bought yesterday! Now, ill just have to throw it away!”

Me: “KFC? Ill be over in a jiffy! Why dint you say so in the beginning? I thought I smelt KFC when I was passing by your place yesterday!! (Yes, I have a very developed olfactory sense, especially when it comes to KFC… Its one of my strengths!) And don’t say that you throw it away in front of it… KFC also has feelings you know… Don’t be so cruel to the poor thing even though it has been deep fried in boiling oil!”

Miss R: “So… you are not dying, is it? Hmmm…”

Me: “Errr…”

Miss R: “I thought so! Now tell what is the problem?”

Me: “Well, you see I have the most important question to ask you about the empirical study”

Miss R: “Yes, you really need to write more than 5 sentences.” She pre-empted…

Proves that she does not know me at all, doesn’t it? Obviously I had more that just 5 lines! I had close to 7 that too excluding the name of the study and all such jazz!

Me: “Ha! Gotcha! I have more than 5 sentences” :-P

Its after I did that anteater impression that I realized that she could not see the sarcastic look on my face… I let it go. No point in bringing it up to be just snubbed!

Miss R: “Woow! You really exceeded my wildest expectations!”

Me: “Dangzz J”

Miss R: “BTW, you still haven’t told me why you woke me up from my slumber. As it is, I slept late yesterday”

Me: “Really? You too? Well me too… infact I haven’t slept at all. I was too busy with my empirical study. I swear, writing this stuff is hard work, don’t you think so? I mean, I was...”

Pity she cut me off right there… I could have told her a whole story of my experiments with the truth! (No! Its not something kinky, you dirty minded freak!!) But unlike the Mahatma I dint really have a revolution to make the entire thing really damn exciting and make a book of it…

Miss R: “George!!! If you have nothing other that blabbering and making confounded noises, both of which are synonymous by the way, ill go back to my sweet sleep…”

Me: “No No… pls I need your help”

Miss R: “Then tell me what your problem is you silly ass!”

I was hurt… really… Miss P says I’m more of a penguin… And I haven’t yet refuted her… maybe it’s the way I walk! And ofcourse the fact that I’m blacker than a dirty, unpolished diamond… a diamond all the same ;-)

Me: “I have the most important question about the study, with out the answer to which I wont be able to submit my study at all!!”

Miss R: “So tell me already! You sound more like a broken record saying the same thing over and over again! You have been torturing me over the phone for the last 10 mins and disturbed my sleep and giving me a damn headache!”

I could see that she was getting a bit ex..., what’s the word… excited? No exasperated… yes that’s the word. But me torturing? I always thought my croaky voice had quite a soothing effect on ppl!

Me: “Ok Ok.. hold on to your horses… Sheeshh… its not as if you were doing anything important right?”

Miss R: “AaArrrrghhhhh!!!”

Me: “Hey! Don’t butt in when I’m trying to ask you the question! Then you’ll come back and tell me I was not asking the question too… Seriously dude! You need to make up your mind!”

Miss R: “GEORGE!!!!!!”

Me: “Ok, hey tell me… What should the font size be?”

There was a loud bang and it is still ringing in my ear. I wonder what happened… The phone got cut off and I have not been able to contact Miss R after that. Whenever I call the phone I get the message “This number is currently switched off”

On a separate note, I heard that Miss R’s phone fell on the floor and broke into some 9 pieces. I wonder how a phone can just fall on the floor and break into so many pieces…

Hmmm… one of the mysteries of physical science, I guess!

:-S

A humble request, that backfired...

Now that the job scene is really really bad for MBAs, I decided not to wait for that coveted job that I expected to get from my school. Instead, I have started my search in earnest. Exactly a month back I sent the following mail to all my friends, hoping that they will forward my resume' to their companies. 

It's been an enormous success! I got one call, asking me if I was ever serious in life!

Hi

Its that time of the year when budding MBAs such as myself, with hunger and stars  in our eyes and a stomach to match, start sniffing around for the best den to creep into. With not having had my monthly intake, for almost one whole year, I am hungrier and meaner than ever! Only, this year when I went sniffing, I almost choked due to all the fire and carnage around me from all those burning businesses. All the ASatyams of the world had to find this one year to surface!!

Well, in these times of gloom when the world has gone BOOM , I have but one appeal to my friends – HELP

PFA my resume' for your reference (and also for your forwarding). Do send them to your companies and also to friends who might be able to help me out with my search to satisfy my hunger pangs. 

I'm looking for Project management, business analyst, business development, product management, delivery manager kind of roles... In short, I'm just short of hanging a board around my neck which proclaims "Will Work For Food" 

If any of my  readers take me seriously, id like to meet you. 

After this mail was sent out, I begged, pestered and provoked Jamshed V Rajan (Jammy) of OuchMyToe to take an interview of mine for Ibibo.com. After the 45 min interview, they have put me on hold. So if any of my readers try to call me, thats why my phone says its busy (not coz i dint pay my bill like some of you think)

BTW, did you know that my gtalk status says "You cant fool all the people all the time, but try me :)"?

:D

15 Myths about Open Source Software

I had compiled this 15 myths about Open Source Software for my reserch paper - OSS in India, A SWOT analysis. But my coz bro told me to remove it as it did not give an independent objective view. So here it is, I dint want all that writing to go waste!! :)

15 Myths of Open Sourcing Software

Due mostly to its differentiated style of development, Open Source lends itself to a lot of doubts, queries and myths on the minds of people introduced to the concept. Most often than not, these myths tend to be the reason why Open Source is not understood well. Of course, the myths remain myths for those Open Source projects that strictly and religiously follow the tenets and principles of Open Source Software development. In those cases where these are not followed, many of the myths sadly turn into reality. Listed below are 15 myths that we came across while doing the study and clarifications for the same. 

    1)    Community consists of all developers – People generally tend to associate Open Source communities to a group of hardcore developers working on the next big thing. While this is a perception that has undergone a sea of change, it has not been addressed fully. Open source communities are not exclusively developers. There are a many communities where the contributors are general users of the software and many of them have nothing to do with writing code. But these contributors are extremely useful all the same. They help in identifying, reviewing and clarifying requirements. Some of them offer to be alpha or beta testers of the product. In many cases they help in driving the community to develop better and more versatile applications. They represent the face of the customer and are instrumental in lending a direction to the development of software. In reality, it's generally very, very difficult to fix real bugs in anything but the most trivial Open Source software. Most of the time, what really happens is that you tell the actual programmer about the problem and wait and see if he/she fixes it. Most people do not participate in the development - even for Linux itself, most of the development is done by a very small number of people

     2)    Open Source development gives complete access to code – One of the bones of contention for many companies and developers is that Open Source Software is basically what it says it is – Open Source. Companies and individuals fear that if the code is open, then they are vulnerable to all sorts of threats like security, theft etc. But what they don’t realize is that not all Open Source companies have a complete set of open files. There are business models that allow companies to open some of the code for peer review and development and at the same time have other enterprise versions to be closed and restricted. While the free version of the software can be open source and subject to change and development by the community members, the company that develop the enterprise version can keep the code closed and away from scrutiny. While this might be a bit away from the central idea of Open Source, it is just another way of monetizing software development.

     3)    Data and source security is compromised – Open Source Software certainly does have the potential to be more secure than its closed source counterpart. But simply being open source is no guarantee of security. For those new to security, the idea that the best way to keep something safe is to hide it. This idea is known by experts as security through obscurity, and is generally discredited. Probably the greatest reason that security through obscurity doesn’t work when it comes to code is that, if security is breached, you have no way of knowing what has happened. By contrast, if the code is open to anyone to read, then the odds are that the insecure elements will be detected and corrected. Since what you want to protect is the information, not the technique used to protect it, according to most security experts, OSS tends to be more secure than proprietary software. Two main claims made by proprietary vendors: (1) that release of code benefits attackers more than anyone else because a lot of hostile eyes can also look at open-source code, and that (2) a few expert eyes are better than several random ones. Of course, because bug detection is public, detractors can say that OSS is buggier than proprietary software. However, because we have no way of knowing how many bugs in proprietary software go unfixed or unnoticed, the number of reported bugs is not a reliable measure of security. Whitfield Diffie, the co-inventor of public-key cryptography and chief security officer and senior staff engineer at Sun Microsystems, notes “It's simply unrealistic to depend on secrecy for security in computer software. You may be able to keep the exact workings of the program out of general circulation, but can you prevent the code from being reverse-engineered by serious opponents? Probably not.” Open source software projects can be more secure than closed source projects. However, the very things that can make open source programs secure -- the availability of the source code, and the fact that large numbers of users are available to look for and fix security holes can also lull people into a false sense of security

    4)    Open Source Software development exploits people – The Open Source development community consists of a group of people who come together to develop better quality software. This community could consist of developers, testers and end users of the software. Most often than not there is no monetary compensation to the work done and people volunteer to work for free. This leads to a lot of proprietary companies and competitors of the Open Source Company to level charges of exploitation of the volunteers to produce software for the company to profit on. But the very fact that community members volunteer to be part of the process negates this argument. Though there might not be a direct monetary compensation to the contributors, there are other benefits that keep the community together. Many times the developers will find other ways to monetize the work they do. They could take the code they worked on and use it in other areas that provide them with monetary benefits. Many of the communities work by motivating and encouraging its contributors by sending them gifts and freebees like memberships and free access to road shows, conferences etc. Apart from this, they are also compensated in terms of the recognition they get among their peer group for the work that they do. The basic law that says that nothing in this world comes for free is true in the case of Open Source Software development too. The key contributors to most open source projects today are a mix of university researchers, developers internal to companies who use that particular open source package in their work, independent consultants who profit from the increased visibility their participation brings them, and developers sponsored by companies who have identified a clear revenue stream associated with that project.

     5)    Open Source Software is better than proprietary closed software – There is a growing feeling that tinkering with Open Source Software code by community members leads to better software. This is not necessarily true. If the project that the team is working on is not controlled and managed properly, then the software that is developed need not be better than a proprietary product that has been executed properly. There have been many instances where mission of the community, documentation on project, code collaboration etc is not communicated properly to the members and this leads to the project getting executed in an inferior way. This also leads to a lot of dissonance among the community members and ultimately the demise of the community. This leads to the fact that Open Source Software projects are not always a success. Software experts and researchers who are not convinced by open source’s ability to produce quality systems identify the unclear process, the late defect discovery and the lack of any empirical evidence as the most important problems. While many Open Source projects are superior to their close-source counterparts, it's also true to say that a closed-source approach to a problem can have some benefits. Some of these benefits include having a more focused direction for the team, given the fact that there is just one manager and team leader, firmer schedules and deadlines, tighter management, profit incentives, salaries and bonus motivations. While this can also be true for open source projects, the "design by committee" that goes on with community projects often results in a more bloated and less focused product that tries to be all things to all people. Sometimes a simple lack of funds on the part of the developer can hamper the development.

     6)    More is better – Open Source Software development opens up the opportunity for contributors to incubate and develop a plethora of applications and features that can be add-ons to the original software. This is something that Open Source Software development does very well. Most of the time these features tend ot be personal pain points of the developer and might not really be of use to many others. The 80/20 rule becomes very relevant here, that only 20% of features are used by 80% of the users. While this might seem like a good thing at first, it could also be argued that eventually trying to reduce the choice somewhat for the end-user would also be beneficial. Reducing the choices would reduce the bloat and clutter that tends to overtake the project. Choice is good, but a reasonable pre-selection of options is better for the end user. Most users want their applications to be simple, straightforward and light.

     7)    Open Source Software development leads to interoperability issues – The Open Solutions Alliance (OSA), a nonprofit, vendor-neutral consortium dedicated to driving interoperability and adoption of comprehensive open solutions, after meeting with more than 100 customers in five cities throughout the United States and Europe, found that interoperability between open solutions tops the list of requirements among customers and channel partners who are deploying these solutions. Interoperability is a challenge among both large and small organizations. Key issues with small organizations include single sign-on and authorization, data integration and synchronization, UI and portal integration, and content management integration. In addition to these, larger enterprises also had 
business process integration, production management, and legacy/proprietary integration as key issues. Across the board, non-technical interoperability issues, such as how to support and manage integrated solutions being sourced from multiple vendors are seen as pain points. Interoperability between Open Source and proprietary software is often a catch22 situation. It is simply not possible to isolate both. There is not software that is 100% free of either Open Source or Closed Source. A 2006 Forrester study showed 75% of large businesses surveyed were either using or planning to use open source software up from 60% the year before. There’s also Gartner’s prediction of 90% open source adoption in enterprise software development businesses by 2012. Interoperability used to be a major problem during the early days of Open Source Software development. But the Internet has provided a forum for thriving virtual software development community and they have been working diligently to solve interoperability issues through the consensus specification of open interfaces and encoding. Since these specifications are new to the industry, open source products are in a position to compete on an even playing field with commercial alternatives.

     8)    Open Source Software throws Intellectual Property out of the window – A license defines the rights and obligations that a licensor grants to a licensee. Open Source licenses grant licensees the right to copy, modify and redistribute source code (or content). These licenses may also impose obligations. What the author/licensor is granting when they grant a license to copy, modify and redistribute their work is the right to use the author’s copyrights. The author still retains ownership of those copyrights; the licensee simply is allowed to use those rights, as granted in the license, so long as they maintain the obligations of the license. The proliferation of open source licenses is one of the few negative aspects of the open source movement because it is often difficult to understand the legal implications of the differences between licenses. An important legal milestone for the open source was passed in 2008, when the US federal appeals court ruled that Open Source licenses definitely do set legally binding conditions on the use of copyrighted work, and they are therefore enforceable under existing copyright law. As a result, if end-users do violate the licensing conditions, their license disappears, meaning they are infringing copyright. The typical open source project is a grass-roots effort that contains contributions from many people. This method of development can be worrisome from an intellectual property standpoint because it creates multiple opportunities for contributors to introduce infringing code and makes it almost impossible to audit the entire code base. The risks of this development process are largely borne by the licensees. It’s a legal minefield. But many companies do clean implementations for their enterprise editions and make sure that none of the IPs is violated. As for the Open Source versions, they make sure that the contributor is duly referenced so that the violations does not reflect on the parent company. In many cases the violations are not serious enough to warrant a legal penalty, but in case it is, the licensing model of Open Source is such that the contributor is protected to a certain extent. Also, the community generally comes together to help out any such violations. It's true that software that incorporates other GPL-based software must be provided under the same terms--this is its so-called "viral" characteristic. However, even GPL'd software can be used freely. Open Source is about internet-enabled collaboration. Licenses play a role only to the extent that they set out rules designed to make sure that companies don't undermine the playing field.

    9)    Creating and maintaining a community is easy – Contrary to popular belief, creating and maintaining a community is not an easy task. Communities are created when a group of likeminded individuals get together to achieve a common goal such as commonly contributing to a project, improving the code base or develop faster and better code. What community members look for is recognition for the work they do and a sense of belonging to a group that is making a difference. Thus, maintaining the motivation levels of the community while pleasing the individual members are an art in itself that community managers have to perfect. Most of the time community managers spend close to 75% of their time on resolving issues and clarifying questions. Community managers have to make sure that they preserve the culture of the community as it grows. They also need to make sure that they weed out elements that are not contributing to the growth of the community. Communication is the key among other things.

     10) Cannot profit from open source – The underlying argument here is that Open Source Software is not all free. It is true that open source software will reduce the amount of money that is spent on existing commercial software. The Internet, a disruptive technology based on open standards and open source software, has created huge new markets away from the software. And there are many different ways to profit from Open Source Software development. As explained earlier, there are many different ways to monetize the efforts put into Open Source development some of which are Services, Loss-Leader markets creation, Dual licensing, proprietary up selling etc. And there are many companies who are thriving on a variety of these models while remaining Open Source companies. The benefits of open source are exactly the same as the benefits of any other free market: competition between multiple suppliers results in lower prices, more innovation, and specialization to meet the needs of new niches. Open source isn't just something that matters to computer software vendors. It's a way to provide better services to your internal users and to your customers, by applying techniques of networked collaboration.

     11) It is easy to setup communities anywhere in the world – It is expected that human beings being social by nature would be able to work together if goals are set properly. But it is found that this is seldom true. In the case of Open Source Software, there is a definite difficulty that s faced when trying to setup communities. In most cases the issue is more to do with culture and maturity than anything else. For instance in Asian countries where the culture of freely giving to society is lacking communitite do not seem to be able to progress beyond a few dedicated members. In these countries, the idea of a company gaining freely from their hard work is something that cannot be accepted. Likewise many of these countries do not have a robust higher education system that fosters Open Source development. This leads to a lot of engineers who are not corporate ready. A lot of post college training needs to be imparted to these students to come up to speed in doing work.

    12) Open source software is cheaper than closed proprietary software – The often-repeated line is that companies that cant afford commercial software buy Open Source Software. But studies have shown that this is seldom the case. Many a times Open Source Software costs just as much to buy as do commercial closed source software. This is because most of the time the enterprise version of the Open Source Software would be developed in-house and thus would be expensive to produce even though the development is overseen using the Open Source development methodology. If this is the case, then why are businesses buying Open Source Software? There are multiple reasons: 1) Open Source Software development model is such that bugs in the system are few in number. This is precisely the reason why over a period of time the cost of maintaining Open Source Software is low. 2) Due to the collaborative mode of software development, the number of critical flaws in the software is few, which adds to further savings to the customer in terms of security and downtime. 3) Also since the Open Source engagements start from design phase itself, the cost of up gradation and adding features would be low since this would have been factored in during design stage itself if a good Open Source vendor is doing the development.

     13) Open Source Software companies do not support software once sold – There are many companies proving products and services in the Open Source space and virtually all of them provide after sales service to their clients. The difference is between the free versions available and the enterprise solutions. Most often than not, service for the free trial versions are limited and where available will be restricted to communities fixing the bugs, email support or on a do-it-yourself mode. But there are the standard and non-standard ways of service level agreements for enterprise solutions and paid solutions. These are not very different from proprietary closed source SLAs. For instance, all the standard SLAs like 24X7 support, 12X5 support, patch releases, severity level support, maintenance, backups, upgrades, performance improvements etc are provided. Apart from this there are 3rd party companies supporting Open Source Software which happens to be the non-standard method of supporting the code base.

     14) Open Source = Open Standards – Open Source is not synonymous to Open Standards, though many times they are confused for each other. Open Source is merely a development model. It does not mean it incorporates the best practices like Open Standards. While open source development encourages the use of open standards and protocols for interoperability, it does not guarantee software development best practices. It doesn't guarantee interoperability or security, although it sure makes them easier to implement.

     15) Open source carries a greater risk of abandonment/obsolescence – Open Source Software is developed by a group of passionate individuals who volunteer to work on the project because it is important to them in some way or the other. This leads us to believe that if the interest cannot be maintained, then the project risks loosing steam and might be abandoned. In reality, maintenance/evolution of the software is distributed rather than centralized, engaging the diverse skills and talents of many contributors. Peer review reinforces the need to follow accepted standards and practices. This means that even if some people or even the founder leaves the community, there will be a stream of interested people who might feel the importance and need to be associated with the project. Of course, this also means that the documentation in the project needs to be done diligently so that others can carry on with the work that has been put in by previous contributors. Obsolesce is rarely and issue since Open Source development takes place on a continual and ongoing basis with contributors involving in the project to make a difference and develop something latest and useful.

The LIP video...

This is a compilation I created from some of the pics I took during the Leadership, Influence and Power outbound we had recently :)

P.S: If you are not able to see this, please double click on the video to be taken to my Picassa site.

The Placement song...

Adapted from Jim Reeves Merry Christmas Polka

This is Placement season 

So there isn't any reason 

We can't prance the Placement polka...
Hear phone-bells ringing

Everybody's shouting, 

doing the GD polka...

Placement freeze and chaos 

Makes everyone so potty 

And gloom just fills the air...
It's a bloody screwed up time 

For a boy and a girl to get placed

While crying the Placement holler...

The scary Placement polka

Let's howl, let's scream, let's shriek...
Everyone's so snappy

The air is filled with dread...

Watch the sweet friends bluffing 

As they pace beneath the company logo
It's a sight to behold 

For the placed and the not-so-placed 

The meeeerrrrrry Placeeeement pooooolkaaaaaa...

:D

With age comes wisdom...

New year resolutions are a dime a dozen, I know. But not mine. Seriously. For one I don't make a dozen resolutions... not even thru the entire year. And secondly I'm very sincere about the resolutions I make. I make only those resolutions I can keep! 

You see, the problem with resolutions is that that they are generally something to do with making life better. And as we all know anything thats good for you turns out to be bad, which essentially means that they will be difficult to keep up. So the key is to make resolutions that do not fall under the categoy of goodness, life changing, health, etc.

Case in point. Last year I resolved to eat KFC every week of the year and let me tell you I've managed to not only keep up the resolution but have surpassed it by eating KFC atleast 2 times a week! Talk about determination and grit! See, anything is possible, IF you put your mind to it... trust me!

This new year I played a game on Facebook  - Know your Actual age. It had about 30 questions. So I bought out my stock of KFC and started filling the questionnaire. 

It had questions like:

"Do you take regular exercise?" Of course I do! I walk 200 meters to the college everyday... and back!!

"Do you eat out often?" Well, not really. I buy KFC stock for 2-3 days, which means I eat out only 2 times a week... when i go to buy KFC

"Do you have a healthy relation with your partner?" Damn right! She is rather healthy! And I take great pains to be away from her when she blows her steam.

"Do you believe in GOD?" Yes I do. But I dont know if the feelings are mutual.

At the end of 10 minutes I hit the submit button and prepared myself to be pleased to see some figure between 23-25 years. And after a short wait of 10-15 seconds when it did its jantar-mantar, it returned the magic number - 35 years!!

WHAT!!?? thats a good 6 years more than my real age! There must have been some mistake. And to be honest, I was not entirely honest. I did fudge some data when I came to "How often do you eat pre-cooked food?" I had said 7-8 times. But Maggie noodles is not really pre-cooked food is it?

I ran the test again, corrected some of these anomalies and again hit the submit button. It returned the question "Do you really want to go thru this torture again?" Ofcourse! It wont be torture this time! This time the real results would come. All data I entered was true to the best of my knowledge and all that. 

After the customary wait of 10-15 secs the results came. Where I expected a conservative number of 27-29, it returned 43 years!!

Dumb application! It was obviously flawed! How can anyone eating burgers filled with lettuce and tomatoes be called unhealthy. Ofcourse the burger does contain a few other substances like cheese and precooked meat and cheese.. but it also contains 1 lettuce leaf and one slice of tomato too!! Not to mention the bread... fried in oil. Doesn't that count for anything?? Isn't McDonalds a world famous food chain known for its highly efficient supply chain and processing capabilities?

But I'm not a guy who takes these things lightly you know. If there was a problem with my lifestyle that needed correction, thats what I'll do. I resolved then and there - "I shall visit the Gym everyday from today onwards"

True to my word I set out for the college gym later that evening. There was not a soul there. Sheesh... what is this world coming to? Here is a perfectly good gym funded by the college and no one seems to want to even make use of it to improve their health! People should learn from me! I entered the gym and looked around to familiarise myself of the surroundings. Pretty Impressive. They had many dumb bells of different sizes and some mats to lie on and an automatic treadmill etc. 

After 8 months of spending time here at Great Lakes, I had embarked on a new mission - understand how to use a treadmill! I gingerly got on to it and hit the start button. I expected it to start and go all the way upto my maximum speed which I calculated would be around 60 Km/hr. It dint move. I hit the start button again. Still nothing. The power switch was ON and so was the power itself, and yet the treadmill refused to budge. I reasoned it was an intelligent system which sensed a newbie. 

I got off the treadmill and moved on to conquer other bodybuilding tools. I started with one of them big dumbbells. The face of it was bigger than my the outstretched palm! Must have been some 10 Kg each! I picked it up and man it was heavy. I gave it a couple pumps and was exhasted. Man! What's the weight of these things? I searched and saw 1/2 Kg written on it. Must have been a typo. 

Anyway I went on for sometime and finally stopped after what seemed to be hours. I had done a good job, considering it was my first time in a gym. My muscles were already flexing and I was sure in a couple of days I would look as good and be as fit as Aamir Khan in Gajini! I turned to the clock to check how many hours I had been working out. It showed 17 mins since I started. The clock obviously was broken!

As I was basking in self glory, one of my classmates trotted in. He was in full exercise kit - shorts, T-shirt and even an arm band! Poor guy, what does he know! Hey, maybe I can give him a few pointers... after all, dint someone say "You enrich your own life by helping others"? 

Me: "Hey Dude..."

Mr C: "Georgie boy"

Me: "Come for some exercise eh?"

Mr C: "Yeah.. but what happened to you?"

Me: "What? Nothing! What made you say that?"

Mr C: "Well, you look like a wreck!!"

Me: "I was exercising!"

Mr C: "Oh... I see.."

Maybe he was too embarrassed to be around a pro, for he turned and I distinctly heard him cry and sniff... only, the cry part sounded more like a laugh... Well, to each his own, I say!

Me: "Dude, dont worry about this exercise thing... ask me if you need pointers"

Mr C: "Oh.. really? You'll help me kya?"

Me: "Sure! Why Not!"

Mr C: "Ok.. So what do I do?"

Me: "Now you want to start with these dumbbells here... but mind you, there is some typo in them. The one that says 1/2 kg is actually about 10 kg I reckon... maybe they meant to write 12 Kg and had a typo or something!"

Mr C: "No, thats actually a 1/2 Kg"

Me: "Dude! who is the Pro here?? Listen to more experienced ppl ok?"

Mr C: "Sure sir! anything you say"

Me: "Good. It would have been good to go on the treadmill, but it seems broken. Stupid college ppl wont fix it even. Ive told them a million times you know!"

Mr C: "Where is the key?"

Me: "What key?"

Mr C: "For the treadmill"

Me: "Dude.. there is no ignition or anything! It runs on electricity... You know, current and all that... There is a motor under it"

Mr C: "Ok..." 

I dunno why, but he went thru the crying bit again! Poor chap! He must be really embarrassed! And he had every right to be, if you ask me! After all, one doesn't get to ask these questions to a Pro like me every day right?

Me: "Dude dont cry... its fine... Look, though i have a distinct advantage over you, Ill let you in on a secret. Even with my fantastic physic, a facebook application pegged my age at 43! Ofcourse, its wrong about the age, but the point is, its never too late to start..."

I had been discoursing to him and he had been behind me all the time. I turned to see a horrific sight. Mr C had picked up one of those weight lifts, one much bigger than that 12 Kg one with the typo and started pumping in earnest. I tried to stop him, for he was a good friend... and I dint want him to hurt himself just because he compared himself to me!

Me: "Dude... stop it! You'll only hurt yourself if you try to emulate me so soon into the fitness regime!!"

Mr C: "Its OK Uncle... I've assimilated all that you told me... after all, I do respect my elders!!"

And then he went on to pump iron for some 2-3 hours (that too according to that broken clock!) and also went on to run on the treadmill after inserting a metal key into one of the slots that activated the machine... Somehow I get this weird feeling that he had been to the gym before... but I cannot say for sure!

As for my New Year resolution, I still follow it to the alphabet. 

I visit the gym everyday without fail!!!

:)

Misguided anger management...

She had a fierce look in her eyes and seemed very agitated. There were a just couple of people around her and as I approached, I could see them take cover. Small as she was (well, tiny is more like it), it did look as if she had grown about 4 feet now that she was ranting and raving, which bought her height at par with the rest of humanity. And with ppl all around her cowering in fear, I knew something had snapped. 

I could hear her loud and clear a good 100 feet away and the more I approached the epicenter, the louder and shriller it became. I now understood why there was so much commotion in front of the tea-shop. Basically, no one there could bear to go thru the pain of listening to her. People were rushing for cover, dogs were running hither and thither and I swear I saw the tree in front of the tea-shop droop in a matter of 2 minutes!

Her ravings went thus - 

"... such a lazy bum he is you know. I mean just look at him... wont even move his ass out of peoples way... Whatever happens in the world, does not seem to affect him... "

Man! She was mad.. as mad as a bull in a china shop. I figured was talking about her boy friend or something. Infact, I had seen this coming when a few days back I enquired her new year plans and she sadly told me that she is spending it in Chennai as her someone special is not in town. She is one person normally seen rushing off to Bangalore at the drop of a hat.

And here she was having had to spend her new year with Miss R and Miss D not to mention Mr G and Mr S... Yes, I can understand... anyone would be mad. But I wanted to caution her... the pain of going thru a new year like this wasn't going to go away by going hypersonic... 

I decided it was time to put an end to all the sufferings... after all, the lives of people around her were important. I gathered all the courage I could summon and went over to hr to try and reason with her... 

Me: "Dude, calm down"

Miss N: "Calm down? what's there to calm do...screeeeech"... and my glasses cracked!

She had gone hyper again... I decided to use another tactic

Me: "Listen, Its OK that you are feeling like this. I can see that you have gone thru a lot in the last 24 hrs"

Miss N: "You bet I have!"

Me: "So don't let it bother you and increase you BP"

Miss N: "Oh I'm not bothered about that!"

Me: "Eh? No? I thought you were upset about not being able to spend New year at Bangalore!"

Miss N: "Hell No! Infact I had lotsa fun right here!"

Me: "Oh! Really? Then why on earth are you making such a scene about your boyfriend in front of the entire tea shop?"

Miss N: "My boy friend? What's he got to do with this?"

Me: "Oh! I thought you were discussing about him... lazy bum and all that jazz..."

Miss N: "How dare you talk about him like that!" And immediately I knew it was my turn to take cover...

Me: "OK OK, calm down... So what were you talking about then?"

Miss N: "You see that dog lying on the street? Such a lazy bum he is you know. I mean just look at him... wont even move his ass out of peoples way... Whatever happens in the world, does not seem to affect him..."

Dogs! The greatest wars have been fought over them!!!

:-S

The real banking woes

Letter from a customer to the bank!
======================

Dear Sir,

In view of the current developments in the banking industry, if one of my cheques is returned marked 'insufficient funds', does that refer to me or to you?

Yours faithfully,

Customer

Dwarfed amongst Giants!

In the village there is an ominous whisper to be heard.. among the trees, among the gathered folk. “They” have landed…

Everything is still for a moment… then screams, confusion and mayhem rule the roost. The fort is sealed and doubled up with sentries. Every able bodied soldier is bought out into the fray to fight. The children are sent to the safe confines of the dungeons. If you listen carefully you can hear their muffled cries. And the frightened fort awaits… their DOOM…

Every ear is tuned to the familiar clickety-click of hoofs. Once they hear that, they know their end is but hours away… Eventually the worst is confirmed… “They” have reached the gates.

The fight ensues… The fort puts up a brave fight. Slowly but surely the defences fail, one after another. Then in one final blow the fort falls… The prince is bought to his knees. But “They” are merciful… ruthless, but merciful… “They” grant the prince his freedom in exchange for treasures and submission. Having ensured victory and collected their trophies, “They” ride out into the sunset… In their Black Stallions, their mind set on their next target… But none know who or where.. And this keeps the princes in the neighbouring counties guessing and confused… Awaiting their turn, unable to defend, unable to win…

Who are “They” you ask? Well, not the Norman conquerers. But close… “They” are conquerors alright! And “They” have been relentlessly at their task for some time now… Leaving behind death and destruction wherever “They” set foot.

“They” arrive in small groups… To fight for glory and fame. “They” are trained to feel no pain, to fight till their last drop of blood, to their last breath. To do or die… The strength that makes them such a formidable foe, a force to be reckoned with.

“They” bulldoze enemy lines, leave behind carnage. “They” Bring back gold, glory and trophies, encrusted in gold, silver and precious gems to their Alma Mater.

So, what does it feel to have the best of the breed in your midst? What does it feel to look up and see glory? What does it feel to stand along side Giants?

Ask me, and I shall tell you!  Ask me, and I shall tell you stories of their victories! Ask me, and I shall deliver the victory song, with the war cry and the dances.

Ask me, and I shall tell you what it feels to be DWARFED among GIANTS.

And I’m proud of being part of the clan…

To see full (and growing) list of their conquests click –>http://greatlakes.edu.in/studentAchievements.php 

Venucians!

Women have always had a special effect on me, generally good... and I in turn have had a special effect on them too and I can vouch that atleast sometimes its good... 

Such a special effect happened today evening right after I met up with Miss D.I and Mr H while on my quest for that elusive electrical shop.

I had parked my bike opposite Adayar Odyssey before i went to Spencers. After my shopping binge, I walked across to my bike. Just as I reached it, She came in her pink Scooty and parked in right next to mine. She had had her helmet on and had a shawl cover most of her face so as to protect it from the dust i reckon... 

I stood there next to my bike, fiddling with my set of keys... just waiting for her to take off her helmet... 

She took it off, and remover the shawl from her face... Her hair previously tied in a bun unravelled... It was like a beautiful cascading waterfall... and I stood there watching her... my mouth open... The most beautiful thing on planet earth had just descended from the heavens

Guys in the audience will agree with me when I say that you will have been away from your girl a bit too long when you find that ever other girl you meet is goddess Venus... and I guess I have been away a bit too too long.. so much so that I find that some of the girls in my class are remotely Venuses! Eyww!

Anyway, getting back to my Venus... I mean story... She had parked her bike a bit too close and when she saw my admiring her beauty (read staring at her) she mistook it (luckily for me) that I was waiting for her to move... 

The lady that she was, she immediately moved her Scooty a bit for me to go... I guess she dint find me as attractive... I took the hint and backed out my bike but not before thanking her for her kind gesture...

I was just about to leave, dejected, broken hearted, when it happened... My world shook... and it wasn't such a great thing either... I felt a hot burning pain shoot up my leg... I turned around and found my Lady in the pink Scooty fallen at my feet... literally... 

My first instinct was to pick her up and tell her she dosen't have to beg me to be her boyfriend (I was more than willing ;) ) but then I got back from cloud 9 to planet earth to realise that she had just fallen over... 

I showed true chivalry... even though I was about to fall over, I took it on myself to pick her up and her scooter all the while doing a balancing act lest I should fall over and meet my death at the oncoming traffic... but such mundane things dint matter... I was after-all helping a goddess... what more can a guy ask for... 

She got up, brushed herself and said sorry a thousand times... "I forgot that I din't put the side stand, I'm so sorry"

Being the gentleman that I am, I on my part brush away all that and said its fine and all that... after-all, I reasoned, it was my charm that had made her forget to put the stand... I am to be blamed I told myself... I half hoped she would tend to me as caringly as I had done with her... 

Well, that was not to be... all she did was pick up her stuff and walk across the road to the guy waiting for her (who I might add was laughing seeing all this, while it was I who helped her al all)... Women dont know whats good for them even if it hits them in the face!

Now, as I write this, Im nursing the wounds that I sustained in this entire debacle... I literally lost a hand and foot to that lady... 

:-S

Eyww...

So I had been out searching for an electrical shop today and ended up buying some unrelated stuff from Spencers. Just as I was entering Spencers I chanced to see Mr H and Miss D.I having a cake and eating it too... 

I walked up to them in the hope that I might be offered a piece of it but soon realised from Miss D.I how quickly someone could gobble up food when faced with and adversary such as myself...

Anyway, as soon as she was able to speak (for her mouth was full of the snack that she dint want to share with me, which gave her the look of a puffed up stuffed toy) she said:

D.I: "Hi Georgei.. "

Me: "Hi D.I, Hi H"

D.I: "So what are you doin here?" 

She had a sly smile on her face, which made me wonder if it was due to something she wanted to tell me or if it was something to do with the fact that she had just gobbled up some snack (without sharing with me BTW) that was caught in her throat!

Me: "Oh just like that... had a bit of shopping to do..." I replied innocently and honestly (2 qualities that abound in me as can be seen from this very admission...)

D.I: "Who are you with?" She said pointing at a couple of, well, not so impressive girls behind me

Me: "What?! Them? Eyww... No way! I'm here alone!"

D.I: "Really? Eyww? That too from you?" she replied again with that sly smile...

Me: "Dude... I might not be all that good looking but I do have my standards, y'know... I'll settle for lower... but should be atleast your level"

;)

The book (or post) of revelation...

This is one of three posts that I plan to put up today. (Note the italicised plan) You can find the other 2 here (blog 2) and here (blog 3)

This first one is kind of a revelation... like the one Jesus had when he entered the holy waters of the Jordan River for his baptism... (not that i had to wade thru any of the holy murky waters still logged in some areas of chennai after the rains last week)

But readers please don't misunderstand me when I say this... this is not some post that is any different from my others... meaning it does not deviate from my usual nonsensical self and say anything particularly pathbreaking... 

For the past few days I've been running from pillar to post (or more correctly junction to junction) in this great city of Chennai trying to locate a teeny weeny electrical shop! And I have given up... 

I declare - There are NO electrical shops in Chennai! Serious!

All you wanna be entrepreneurs - this is your chance... just share a bit of that profit you make with this poor blogger who is jobless and ends up writing these useless posts!!!

DDOB

Let me warn you readers in advance.. This is a time pass blog... I realised that I hadnt written anyhing in so many days that I thought ill write a time pass blog just for he heck of it. 

BTW, DDOB stands for Daily Dose of Bakhwas! and BTW stands for By The Way (just in case u dint know)

Anyway i write just for the heck of it, so y should this be any different? right? Infact im not even going to bother to correct the spelling erros during my typing.

Well, comming to te poit, the reason i havnt written any thing is 

1) ive been in the middle of exams

2) all the ppl arond seems to have caught on to the idea that if they say or do anything in front of me, ill put it in a blog. So nowadays the moment I go into a room, all of them take cover of scurry away from the place. 

Anyways, im finished with my bakhwas for the day.

Signing off

ME!

Rain Rain go away...

There are rains... and then there are RAINS!!!

RAINS is what we witness at channai for almost a week due to a cycloning depression in the Bay of Bengal. And to say that we were all in a state of great depression by the end of this ordeal will be putting it a bit too lightly!

Chennai had been inundated by incessant rains. By friday all the surrounding dams were so full of water that the govt. had no option but to open them and let the water out which meant that almost all the roads in chennai and especially the low lying areas witnessed floods. Infact the floods were so severe that the road ways were turned into waterways and the govt pressed inflatable motor boats in service along on the roads... Yes! thats right on the roads... to ferry stranded people to drier ground!

The scene in front of our college was so spectacular that it gave a different meaning to the name "Great Lakes"!

A few Pics...













 :-!