Venucians!

Women have always had a special effect on me, generally good... and I in turn have had a special effect on them too and I can vouch that atleast sometimes its good... 

Such a special effect happened today evening right after I met up with Miss D.I and Mr H while on my quest for that elusive electrical shop.

I had parked my bike opposite Adayar Odyssey before i went to Spencers. After my shopping binge, I walked across to my bike. Just as I reached it, She came in her pink Scooty and parked in right next to mine. She had had her helmet on and had a shawl cover most of her face so as to protect it from the dust i reckon... 

I stood there next to my bike, fiddling with my set of keys... just waiting for her to take off her helmet... 

She took it off, and remover the shawl from her face... Her hair previously tied in a bun unravelled... It was like a beautiful cascading waterfall... and I stood there watching her... my mouth open... The most beautiful thing on planet earth had just descended from the heavens

Guys in the audience will agree with me when I say that you will have been away from your girl a bit too long when you find that ever other girl you meet is goddess Venus... and I guess I have been away a bit too too long.. so much so that I find that some of the girls in my class are remotely Venuses! Eyww!

Anyway, getting back to my Venus... I mean story... She had parked her bike a bit too close and when she saw my admiring her beauty (read staring at her) she mistook it (luckily for me) that I was waiting for her to move... 

The lady that she was, she immediately moved her Scooty a bit for me to go... I guess she dint find me as attractive... I took the hint and backed out my bike but not before thanking her for her kind gesture...

I was just about to leave, dejected, broken hearted, when it happened... My world shook... and it wasn't such a great thing either... I felt a hot burning pain shoot up my leg... I turned around and found my Lady in the pink Scooty fallen at my feet... literally... 

My first instinct was to pick her up and tell her she dosen't have to beg me to be her boyfriend (I was more than willing ;) ) but then I got back from cloud 9 to planet earth to realise that she had just fallen over... 

I showed true chivalry... even though I was about to fall over, I took it on myself to pick her up and her scooter all the while doing a balancing act lest I should fall over and meet my death at the oncoming traffic... but such mundane things dint matter... I was after-all helping a goddess... what more can a guy ask for... 

She got up, brushed herself and said sorry a thousand times... "I forgot that I din't put the side stand, I'm so sorry"

Being the gentleman that I am, I on my part brush away all that and said its fine and all that... after-all, I reasoned, it was my charm that had made her forget to put the stand... I am to be blamed I told myself... I half hoped she would tend to me as caringly as I had done with her... 

Well, that was not to be... all she did was pick up her stuff and walk across the road to the guy waiting for her (who I might add was laughing seeing all this, while it was I who helped her al all)... Women dont know whats good for them even if it hits them in the face!

Now, as I write this, Im nursing the wounds that I sustained in this entire debacle... I literally lost a hand and foot to that lady... 

:-S

The book (or post) of revelation...

This is one of three posts that I plan to put up today. (Note the italicised plan) You can find the other 2 here (blog 2) and here (blog 3)

This first one is kind of a revelation... like the one Jesus had when he entered the holy waters of the Jordan River for his baptism... (not that i had to wade thru any of the holy murky waters still logged in some areas of chennai after the rains last week)

But readers please don't misunderstand me when I say this... this is not some post that is any different from my others... meaning it does not deviate from my usual nonsensical self and say anything particularly pathbreaking... 

For the past few days I've been running from pillar to post (or more correctly junction to junction) in this great city of Chennai trying to locate a teeny weeny electrical shop! And I have given up... 

I declare - There are NO electrical shops in Chennai! Serious!

All you wanna be entrepreneurs - this is your chance... just share a bit of that profit you make with this poor blogger who is jobless and ends up writing these useless posts!!!

DINK, DINKY, SITCOM... the urban acronyms

was so insulted the other day! An acquaintance used the filthy D word on me! He called me a DINK! How utterly insulting! Dude, I’m not a DINK… I’m a DINKY… Hello… will u keep up with the times please… But seriously, what id really like to be is DINKWAD… but as it stands I’m a DINKYANDE.

I know what you are thinking… that I’ve gone bonkers? I’m way ahead of you buddy, I’d gone bonkers a long time back :P But that’s a topic for serious discussion at a later point in time. For now, lets get back to and stick to the insult I had to undergo. I’m quite sure most of you would have heard of the word DINK. But have you ever given it a thought? Have you ever thought of what it means? Have you ever thought of what it does to people who are called that? It’s shocking I tell you… shocking!! Sob… Sob…

DINK is part of a wide array of urban acronyms that have bloomed since the 1970s – 80s in the western world and like all things western which takes 2-3 decades to reach India; we are now exposed to this fantastic phenomenon ourselves. Talk about aping the west! Sometimes I think we are on a path to negative evolution as so rightly illustrated here! :)



Coming back to our post modern urban acronyms, its fun to see what each of them means. As the famous line goes – “In the beginning there was the command line…” Oops! Wrong line. The real line is “In the beginning there was nothing... Then God said ‘Let there be Wi-Fi’” and so began the lifestyles that gave rise to these now iconic acronyms. And boy, they come in different flavours… one for every aspect of post modern urban life.

Starting with the basics, one of the first acronym to have been coined was YUP (Young Upcoming Professional) which eventually became YUPPIE. YUPPIE is a HIPPIE who works except they are far from being HIPPIEs. YUPPIE stands for Young Upcoming Prosperous Professional. In simple terms (s)he is a self-centered egoistic, materialistic, very mobile, gadgets and gizmos loving, on the hottest wheels and carry themselves about in an air of bluff heartiness. As they get older and become team leads and managers they metamorphose into MUPPIEs (Middle-aged Upcoming Prosperous Professional). Basically much older and wiser(?) YUPPIEs. And like Canara Bank, nothing changes with a change in Logo does it?

DINK (Double Income No Kids) – Both partners too busy with personal and professional life to have kids to bother them. This is a fast growing breed. And if the breed grows beyond control, there goes human race!!! What with all the work pressure and fast paced life, sprinkled with impotency and a touch of poor health, its no wonder the breed is growing.

DINS (Double Income No Sex) – I would reckon many DINKs are also at this place in life. Atleast no sex with each other ;)

NOK (NO Kids) – These are couples who may or may not have a double income, but they surely do not want to have kids. Just like DINKs, they value their independence and freedom too much to have a screaming demanding baby demand attention.

DINKWAD (Double Income No Kids With A Dog) – A variation of the DINK but with a yearning for unconditional love and gratitude which they get from their sweet cute doggie.

DINKY (Double Income No Kids Yet!) – Mostly a Confused desi or too busy at the present. But there is hope. These couples will sooner or later succumb to social pressures and have their bundle of joy. This will earn them the right to metamorphose into DEWKs, SILKs or worse, SITCOMs or SINKs. Once this happens, life comes full circle and the couple can’t wait to go back to being DINKs! Basically, all hell breaks loose and they can’t seem to tie their loose ends!!

DINKYANDE (Double Income No Kids Yet And No Dog Either) – Basically life sucks. They are no closer to being a DINKY than being a DINKWAD.

DEWK (Dual Employed With Kids) – They are poor people. Not monetarily, but poor for time. They have money and lots of it. They can buy all the happiness for their kids but don’t have the time to be part of it. They burn their asses out to earn even more so as to give even more to their kids to make up for lack of time. Typical catch22 situation.

SITCOM (Single Income, Two Kids, Oppressive Mortgage) – I have no words for them but I do extend my heartfelt condolences.

SILK (Single Income Lots of Kids) – It’s a war zone out there. Parents struggling to keep the boat afloat, kids struggling equally hard to sink it!!

And then we have SINK (Single Income Numerous Kids) – On the brink of bankruptcy. And looks like it’s the lady who works. The guy has no other job!!

Apart from this we also have,

BURP - Branded Urban Rebuilding Professional
MURP - Massively Urban Rebuilding Professional
SLURP - Single Literate Urban Rebuilding Professional
TWURP - Totally Wholesome Useless Rebuilding Professional
SYRURP - Sexy Young & Restless Urban Rebuilding Professional
SNERT - Snot Nosed Egoistical Rude Teenagers.
YAVIS - Young Attractive Verbal Intelligent Successful.
KIPPERS - Kids In Parents' Pockets Eroding Retirement Savings.
SINBAD - Single Income No Boyfriend And Desperate.

And where do we all go from here?

GLAM - Greying, Leisured, Affluent, Married.
PODWOG - Parents Of Dinks WithOut Grandchildren.
WOOF - Well Off Older Folk.

Go figure!!