Overheard...

I was out with a friend on day when he got a call. The call lasted just a few seconds but as it progressed he sounded more and more alarmed at something. 

It went like this...

Frnd: "Helloo"

.....

Frnd: "This is he. May I know who is calling?"

.....

Frnd: "Oh! You don't say!"

.....

Frnd: "You don't say!!"

.....

Frnd: "You don't say!!!"

.....

I was getting worried just looking and listening to him talk on the phone. What could be the matter? What is it that the other person is saying that is getting my friend all worked up? So many questions...

After he cut the call I asked him with all the sincerity and empathy that I could muster...

Me: "I hope every thing is OK. Who was it?"

Frnd: "Oh! He didn't say!"

!!!!!!

:-S

What's in a name...

I did my schooling at Bhavan's Adarsha Vidyalaya (BAV), part of the Bharathiya Vidya Bhavan (BVB) group of institutions. BVB has 6 schools in Cochin and BAV is one of the best. During my time, it was a totally new school and we were the 2nd batch to pass out. Which means it was not known to the world as much. 

After school, all of us disbursed to go for higher studies, some engineering, some doctors, some B. Comm etc. Only one person, Ashwin, went on to do his Law from Ernakulam Law College. 

Now, Law College is very well known in Cochin for its enviable track record of utter Lawlessness... things are so bad that even the private bus mafia (which is very strong in cochin) would not dare to take them on... for if they were to do so, 2 things (Cardinal Rules) will automatically happen and either way, the bus owner is screwed!

1) The buses of the bus owner who dared to challenge would be completely destroyed.

2) A case will be filed against the bus owner alleging some crime against the students in the college. 

Imagine this, if a student of Law College wants to cross the road, all he does is step on to the road and raise his hands to show a Stop sign... and all vehicles are, by default, required to stop. Even if it is the Chief Minister of the state! If he doesn't, refer to Cardinal Rules above... 

Ok, let me get on with my story now that you have an idea of how Law college functions. When Aswin and a couple of frinds walked into Law College the very first time in his life, there he saw a group of vultures (read seniors) waiting to pounce on them. It was just a matter of time before the 3 of them were squatting in front of the seniors in positions that they dint know they could humanly achieve.

The first guy was asked "Which School, you low life?"

"Toc-H!" He answered proudly... and a split second later he was eating mud from the nearby puddle onto which he was graciously pushed into. 

Same question to the second guy...

"Choice!" and he too received the same treatment... boy! They sure hated guys from famous schools!

Ashwin's turn, same question..

In the worst accent possible he replied "Aaadarshaaa..." 

And the seniors let him off thinking he already had had his share of humiliation in life by going to some obscure "local" school...

:)

A dreaded thought...

Many of my girl-friends from school started getting married once they finished their studies. and after the average of 2 years of waiting period before deciding on settling down to family life. 

Initially things were quite fine... things were, well, normal... Maria gave birth to a healthy baby boy, so did San... All of us friends were obviously happy for them... there were parties to celebrate the babies' birthdays year after year... 

Then out of the blue things started changing... Not that the babies were unhealthy... they were fine... in fact, each of them were cuter than the previous ones... what was different was the explosion in numbers! 

It all started with Smrithi... One fine morning she calls us up and announces... "Guys! I gave birth! and guess what! Twins!! :)) " 

We were all ecstatic... after all twins are not what you see every other day right... Almost 2 years have passed and Smrithi has her hands full with her two wonderful boys and her MDS studies...

Last week we got a call from another of our friends, Roshni... "Guys! I gave birth! and guess what! Triplets!!! :))" 

Woah! Put the brakes on please!! What's happenin?? Last i heard, Roshni has 3 babies to feed and only 2 bottles! In short, she has more than her hands full!!

I now dread the day my girl comes to me and tells me, softly in my ear, "George, I'm pregnant! Get ready for Quads!!" I've already invested in a 4 bedroom villa and keep a stack of emergency heart attack pills ready at hand in my pocket!

:D

Casting couch...

If you've been to school and have not broken a bone, then I'd say you've lost out on half the fun. For the record, I've had one and a half times the fun compared to the non-bone breaking guy. Two of those incidents were so... well, embarrassing, that I'd rather not mention it. Reason being there was not much punch to it. On the contrary it was I who got punched.

But the third incident was different. It put me on the school map. The guy who... well, let me not spoil the story before you read it below. 

I still remember that day. It was just perfect Kochi weather - hot and humid seasoned with a li'l bit of smog from the nearby industrial area. We had 2 hours of back-to-back PT. (I believe one of the teachers fell to the ravages of either the smog or the students. Which is worse, you decide.) Being the athlete that I am, I usually used to walk around giving pointers to the rest of the junta playing everything from badminton to volleyball to football. 

Back then it was a lesser known matter that I had absolutely no idea of these games and did the above just so as to create an aura of being a person in the know and to escape having to play. Whenever someone called me to play some game, I'd either go deaf or pretend that someone just called me from the other side of the playground. Sometimes, there would not be anyone there and people would be all confused. But on that fateful day, all this changed.

Looking back, I guess I pulled the "Someone calling me" stunt a bit too often. There were a bunch of guys playing football and one of the 2 teams had a player short. I was on the edge of the ground shouting pointers to the teams. After a few minutes, one of the members of the disadvantaged team came up to me and asked me to join them. Before i cud pull my time tested stunt he said:

"George, there is no one calling you for help. Join us if you are a man!"

Well, that did it! I could not back out now. My girl fan club was close by looking at me. I had to join the game and prove my manliness. 

Reluctantly I stepped in amidst cheering from the girls. Man, I really had to put on a good show now. I was given the opportunity to kick off the ball from our end of the ground. 

I scanned the ground for the teams.

I dint know which guy belonged to which team.

Frankly, i dint care. I concentrated.

I had to get the ball to the other side of the ground.

The ball was a standard football made of black and white hexagons sewed together. 

I ran at the ball and with all the strength I could muster, gave it a powerful kick. Simultaneously I heard a crack... and I passed out. When I woke up I was in the nearby hospital with  my leg on a cast. I had broken a bone on my leg from kicking the ball :-S

For the next 4 weeks, I was limping on crutches and my secret was out in the open. 

Luckily my girl fans took pity on my condition and I was able to use a couple of them as live crutches atleast for a few hours a day. Sigh! How I wished my cast dint have to come off so soon... 

:-)

The day i ran for my life...

I’ve never been the athletic type. Sports and games have never appealed to me. So it naturally follows that I was quite the unhealthy, scrawny(well, not really) and timid kid. Infact, so much so that I couldn’t raise a stone if it were attached to a dragonfly! Up until my 7th std, my favourite lunch time activity was catching tadpoles in the near by spring and ofcourse eating lunch. Don’t start being squeamish, I never did both at the same time! Sheesh…

But this was not always the case. There was the time when I was in the NCC. I was fit as a fiddle. I could march across fields and mountains. I could lift boulders with my strong muscular arms. I could swim across raging rivers. I was your regular boy next door Arnold Swarchenegger. Heck! Who am I kidding.. I was more like a pig on steroids!! Nowadays, my pathetically puny body cannot even walk 2 paces without having an asthmatic attack.

Back then I never wasted an opportunity during the annual sports days in my school to show off the little athletics skills that I did have… namely, iddily and pie eating contests. These were part of the homour sports we used to have. Sadly, I wouldn’t come first even for that either… there were bigger and better pigs around! But this post is not about how piggy I can get, rather about a time when I entered the 800m race.

Like I mentioned before, I never wasted an opportunity. But usually I was not allowed to enter as there were limits kept on the number of ppl who are allowed to enter from a house. As luck would have it, there was a shortage of athletes for the 800m event and I jumped at the chance and entered. Our physical education master gave me a scornful look as he put in my name. And my house captain was looking around for a replacement so as to escape the humiliation of having one of his house come in last. I think he was secretly hoping that I would atleast finish the race. Little did they know I was going to shock them and the entire school in a couple of minutes.

The race consisted of running 4 rounds on the 200m track that was set up for the games. I took up my position on the 3rd track from the inside. I looked around to see my fellow athletes and found all of them with hungry looks on their faces as if they were going to run all over my tired ass. I looked around to the spectators. There were none. The 800m event was not a very popular event. Good, I thought. Less the number of people who see me the better. The Phy ED master asked us to get ready. And I saw all of them go down on their knees ready for the sprint. I dint bother! Hey I was not there for the glory, I was there purely for the shame!!! I too got into position, and by that I mean standing there wondering about how best to avoid being trampled.

He blew the whistle. I shut my eyes and started running like I never did before. Occasionally I opend my eyes to see if I was on the track. After what seemed an eternity and many many rounds, I started hearing people shouting at me in encouragement. There were really rubbing it in weren’t they. Did the others already finish the race 2 hours back?

I opened my eyes to a shocking sight. There was the finish line and across it the red ribbon welcoming the winner. And I was in front of everyone! I glance back to take a look at the others. The fastest boy in school, Mr Joseph, was a few meters behind me. I looked around to see a swarm of open mouthed spectators cheering me on. I doubled my effort to run even faster. Maybe ill set a school record.

Thru the corner of my eye I could see Joseph gaining on me. I could not loose now. Every muscle in my body was aching. But it dint matter. What mattered was that I was in front of everyone else. I strained. Just a few meters more. I ran as fast as my chubby legs would take me. But ultimately Joseph beat me and passed the beautiful red ribbon inches ahead of me.

A moment of silence and then the crowd erupted. All my housemates came rushing to me. Our house was trailing in the over all rankings. And all of a sudden the second prize belonged to our house… precious second prize. I was down. People piled all over me. Girls boys… there was no stopping them.

Then the Phy ED master came up to us blowing his whistle. Maybe that’s how he salutes winners, I thought. He was waving his arms frantically over his head. he was shouting. Something about my second prize being null and void!! What?! Why?! How unfair. We demanded the reason for the preferential treatment. And he readily gave it to us.

We were’t awarded the second prize because… I never completed the race… I was a good one lap behind everyone!!! :-S