Workaholics anonymous...

I was at Cochin yesterday on client calls when I got a call from one of the office numbers...

Me: "Hello"

Parvathy: "Hey, just called when I got some free time... 30 secs!"

Me: "Ok..."

Yes, thats right, I was confused... after all, Parvathy, my Programing Head, was supposed to be on leave and even so, why was she calling me?

Me: "What are you doing at office?"

Parvathy: "What do you mean 'what are you doing at office'! I told you I'd be coming"

Well, on the contrary, she had actually told me that she would NOT be coming... but what the hey!

Me: "Ok... So whats happening there?"

Parvathy: "Oh! Im so tired... So much work to do"

Me: "Ok.. then go home and enjoy your leave dude!"

Parvathy: "You know I cant... and since when have you started to call me 'dude' !"

You can make out just how much girls don't like something just by the tone of their voices... and yeah maybe we are not to call colleagues "dudes"

Me: "Err..."

Parvathy: "Don't 'Err' me ok? And don't forget... make sure you buy groceries when you return from office today... IF you want dinner!"

At once the detective in me woke up... I got this strong feeling that something was definitely not right...

Me: "Parvathy! This is George here!"

Parvathy: "What? George? Aaiiyyoooo.... I thought I was speaking to my husband!"

And she quickly hung up!

So, is there something like being too engrossed in work? Is there something like working too hard? Well, if there is, then the award definitely goes to Mrs Parvathy Nair!

You know you are working too hard when:

1) You go to office even when you are on leave...
2) You dial your colleague's number when you actually want to talk to your husband...
3) Having dialed the number you fail to realize the person on the other side is NOT your husband even after talking for 5 mins!!!

:-S

Quirky Questions...

March 15^th is a hectic day for almost all students at Great Lakes. I would say the MOST hectic day! This is the day when many of us start and finish the yearlong empirical research study that we have to do at Great Lakes. I say almost all because those of us doing their research under the guidance of Prof. Venkat and Prof. Zubin have already finished the research well in advance (I believe some 3 months back… Sheeshh!!!). The rest of us, mortals, are still in the fray for the consolation prizes – meaning grades other than A!

When it comes to empirical study, there are all sorts in our class. Some of them (the like of ppl described above) are serious, deliberate and studious. Some do it for the all-important grades. Some do it because they have to inorder to graduate. Some… don’t do it! Ofcourse, this “Won’t do it” attitude is only till the last day for if we don’t submit our study, which amounts to 2 credits, we get an “F” grade. Which essentially means that our MBA does a double flip on its heels and then we can kiss it goodbye!

It was in this context that I gave a frantic call to Miss R. She is one of those “model” students, the pet of the Prof. and all in all a complete crackpot! (BTW, her study has been accepted at the ASAC Conference, Canada and she has promised me a suitcase full of chocolates when she returns. There Miss R, no escaping now!!).

Coming back to the topic, this how our conversation went:

Date and Time: 15^th March, 2009. 5:30 AM

“Tring Tring” (Phone rings, and after a persistent 7-8 rings it is picked up)

Miss R: “Hello George. What is it NOW!!??”

Well, you gotta hand it to her. She had been extremely calm considering I had been incessantly calling her and asking her for advice on the empirical study from day one. And this call was at an unearthly hour (I don’t care what Prof. Venkat says, I still maintain that 3-6 AM is as unearthly as they come).

Me: Heave Ho, Huff and Puff

Miss R: “George! Behave yourself! You should not wake a girl up at this hour and spray her with sleazy noises! Infact you should not call a girl up at any time and make sleazy noises! Shame on you!”

Well, she had a point. It is not gentlemanly to call a girl at unearthly in the first place and then to treat her to weird noises was worse! But honestly, I wasn’t trying any thing sleazy… it’s just the way I am!

Me: Croak and Cough

Miss R: “George! What’s the matter with you!!?? Have you turned into a frog or warthog or something? Not that it makes much of a difference!”

Again she had a point. I wonder if I should rethink about her being a crackpot… she was making perfect sense till now.

I finally found my voice

Me: “R… help… please…”

Miss R: “Get a grip on yourself dude! I know its something silly to do with the empirical study… Whats the problem?”

Silly?? Well, excuse me! Me no model student, but I do ask smart questions too y’know! Like the other day when one of our Profs was explaining the concept of Theory of Constraints, I asked a question that let even the Prof dumbfounded and open-mouthed… I asked. “Sir, if inventory pileup is the biggest enemy to any plant, then isn’t the best solution not to manufacture any inventory at all? Just manufacture the end product!” Well, there you have it! Perfect solution to your problems, GM and Ford. Maybe I ought to become an operations consultant… if Goldrat can do it, so can I… So there!!.

Me: Whining and Wheezing

Miss R: “Let me know when you stop making stupid noises! Ill wait”

Patience, thy name is Miss R!

Me: “R… not noises… no breath… going black all over… verge of death…”

Miss R: “Really? What a shame! I was gonna invite you over to finish the last 4 pieces of KFC that I bought yesterday! Now, ill just have to throw it away!”

Me: “KFC? Ill be over in a jiffy! Why dint you say so in the beginning? I thought I smelt KFC when I was passing by your place yesterday!! (Yes, I have a very developed olfactory sense, especially when it comes to KFC… Its one of my strengths!) And don’t say that you throw it away in front of it… KFC also has feelings you know… Don’t be so cruel to the poor thing even though it has been deep fried in boiling oil!”

Miss R: “So… you are not dying, is it? Hmmm…”

Me: “Errr…”

Miss R: “I thought so! Now tell what is the problem?”

Me: “Well, you see I have the most important question to ask you about the empirical study”

Miss R: “Yes, you really need to write more than 5 sentences.” She pre-empted…

Proves that she does not know me at all, doesn’t it? Obviously I had more that just 5 lines! I had close to 7 that too excluding the name of the study and all such jazz!

Me: “Ha! Gotcha! I have more than 5 sentences” :-P

Its after I did that anteater impression that I realized that she could not see the sarcastic look on my face… I let it go. No point in bringing it up to be just snubbed!

Miss R: “Woow! You really exceeded my wildest expectations!”

Me: “Dangzz J”

Miss R: “BTW, you still haven’t told me why you woke me up from my slumber. As it is, I slept late yesterday”

Me: “Really? You too? Well me too… infact I haven’t slept at all. I was too busy with my empirical study. I swear, writing this stuff is hard work, don’t you think so? I mean, I was...”

Pity she cut me off right there… I could have told her a whole story of my experiments with the truth! (No! Its not something kinky, you dirty minded freak!!) But unlike the Mahatma I dint really have a revolution to make the entire thing really damn exciting and make a book of it…

Miss R: “George!!! If you have nothing other that blabbering and making confounded noises, both of which are synonymous by the way, ill go back to my sweet sleep…”

Me: “No No… pls I need your help”

Miss R: “Then tell me what your problem is you silly ass!”

I was hurt… really… Miss P says I’m more of a penguin… And I haven’t yet refuted her… maybe it’s the way I walk! And ofcourse the fact that I’m blacker than a dirty, unpolished diamond… a diamond all the same ;-)

Me: “I have the most important question about the study, with out the answer to which I wont be able to submit my study at all!!”

Miss R: “So tell me already! You sound more like a broken record saying the same thing over and over again! You have been torturing me over the phone for the last 10 mins and disturbed my sleep and giving me a damn headache!”

I could see that she was getting a bit ex..., what’s the word… excited? No exasperated… yes that’s the word. But me torturing? I always thought my croaky voice had quite a soothing effect on ppl!

Me: “Ok Ok.. hold on to your horses… Sheeshh… its not as if you were doing anything important right?”

Miss R: “AaArrrrghhhhh!!!”

Me: “Hey! Don’t butt in when I’m trying to ask you the question! Then you’ll come back and tell me I was not asking the question too… Seriously dude! You need to make up your mind!”

Miss R: “GEORGE!!!!!!”

Me: “Ok, hey tell me… What should the font size be?”

There was a loud bang and it is still ringing in my ear. I wonder what happened… The phone got cut off and I have not been able to contact Miss R after that. Whenever I call the phone I get the message “This number is currently switched off”

On a separate note, I heard that Miss R’s phone fell on the floor and broke into some 9 pieces. I wonder how a phone can just fall on the floor and break into so many pieces…

Hmmm… one of the mysteries of physical science, I guess!

:-S

The LIP video...

This is a compilation I created from some of the pics I took during the Leadership, Influence and Power outbound we had recently :)

P.S: If you are not able to see this, please double click on the video to be taken to my Picassa site.

With age comes wisdom...

New year resolutions are a dime a dozen, I know. But not mine. Seriously. For one I don't make a dozen resolutions... not even thru the entire year. And secondly I'm very sincere about the resolutions I make. I make only those resolutions I can keep! 

You see, the problem with resolutions is that that they are generally something to do with making life better. And as we all know anything thats good for you turns out to be bad, which essentially means that they will be difficult to keep up. So the key is to make resolutions that do not fall under the categoy of goodness, life changing, health, etc.

Case in point. Last year I resolved to eat KFC every week of the year and let me tell you I've managed to not only keep up the resolution but have surpassed it by eating KFC atleast 2 times a week! Talk about determination and grit! See, anything is possible, IF you put your mind to it... trust me!

This new year I played a game on Facebook  - Know your Actual age. It had about 30 questions. So I bought out my stock of KFC and started filling the questionnaire. 

It had questions like:

"Do you take regular exercise?" Of course I do! I walk 200 meters to the college everyday... and back!!

"Do you eat out often?" Well, not really. I buy KFC stock for 2-3 days, which means I eat out only 2 times a week... when i go to buy KFC

"Do you have a healthy relation with your partner?" Damn right! She is rather healthy! And I take great pains to be away from her when she blows her steam.

"Do you believe in GOD?" Yes I do. But I dont know if the feelings are mutual.

At the end of 10 minutes I hit the submit button and prepared myself to be pleased to see some figure between 23-25 years. And after a short wait of 10-15 seconds when it did its jantar-mantar, it returned the magic number - 35 years!!

WHAT!!?? thats a good 6 years more than my real age! There must have been some mistake. And to be honest, I was not entirely honest. I did fudge some data when I came to "How often do you eat pre-cooked food?" I had said 7-8 times. But Maggie noodles is not really pre-cooked food is it?

I ran the test again, corrected some of these anomalies and again hit the submit button. It returned the question "Do you really want to go thru this torture again?" Ofcourse! It wont be torture this time! This time the real results would come. All data I entered was true to the best of my knowledge and all that. 

After the customary wait of 10-15 secs the results came. Where I expected a conservative number of 27-29, it returned 43 years!!

Dumb application! It was obviously flawed! How can anyone eating burgers filled with lettuce and tomatoes be called unhealthy. Ofcourse the burger does contain a few other substances like cheese and precooked meat and cheese.. but it also contains 1 lettuce leaf and one slice of tomato too!! Not to mention the bread... fried in oil. Doesn't that count for anything?? Isn't McDonalds a world famous food chain known for its highly efficient supply chain and processing capabilities?

But I'm not a guy who takes these things lightly you know. If there was a problem with my lifestyle that needed correction, thats what I'll do. I resolved then and there - "I shall visit the Gym everyday from today onwards"

True to my word I set out for the college gym later that evening. There was not a soul there. Sheesh... what is this world coming to? Here is a perfectly good gym funded by the college and no one seems to want to even make use of it to improve their health! People should learn from me! I entered the gym and looked around to familiarise myself of the surroundings. Pretty Impressive. They had many dumb bells of different sizes and some mats to lie on and an automatic treadmill etc. 

After 8 months of spending time here at Great Lakes, I had embarked on a new mission - understand how to use a treadmill! I gingerly got on to it and hit the start button. I expected it to start and go all the way upto my maximum speed which I calculated would be around 60 Km/hr. It dint move. I hit the start button again. Still nothing. The power switch was ON and so was the power itself, and yet the treadmill refused to budge. I reasoned it was an intelligent system which sensed a newbie. 

I got off the treadmill and moved on to conquer other bodybuilding tools. I started with one of them big dumbbells. The face of it was bigger than my the outstretched palm! Must have been some 10 Kg each! I picked it up and man it was heavy. I gave it a couple pumps and was exhasted. Man! What's the weight of these things? I searched and saw 1/2 Kg written on it. Must have been a typo. 

Anyway I went on for sometime and finally stopped after what seemed to be hours. I had done a good job, considering it was my first time in a gym. My muscles were already flexing and I was sure in a couple of days I would look as good and be as fit as Aamir Khan in Gajini! I turned to the clock to check how many hours I had been working out. It showed 17 mins since I started. The clock obviously was broken!

As I was basking in self glory, one of my classmates trotted in. He was in full exercise kit - shorts, T-shirt and even an arm band! Poor guy, what does he know! Hey, maybe I can give him a few pointers... after all, dint someone say "You enrich your own life by helping others"? 

Me: "Hey Dude..."

Mr C: "Georgie boy"

Me: "Come for some exercise eh?"

Mr C: "Yeah.. but what happened to you?"

Me: "What? Nothing! What made you say that?"

Mr C: "Well, you look like a wreck!!"

Me: "I was exercising!"

Mr C: "Oh... I see.."

Maybe he was too embarrassed to be around a pro, for he turned and I distinctly heard him cry and sniff... only, the cry part sounded more like a laugh... Well, to each his own, I say!

Me: "Dude, dont worry about this exercise thing... ask me if you need pointers"

Mr C: "Oh.. really? You'll help me kya?"

Me: "Sure! Why Not!"

Mr C: "Ok.. So what do I do?"

Me: "Now you want to start with these dumbbells here... but mind you, there is some typo in them. The one that says 1/2 kg is actually about 10 kg I reckon... maybe they meant to write 12 Kg and had a typo or something!"

Mr C: "No, thats actually a 1/2 Kg"

Me: "Dude! who is the Pro here?? Listen to more experienced ppl ok?"

Mr C: "Sure sir! anything you say"

Me: "Good. It would have been good to go on the treadmill, but it seems broken. Stupid college ppl wont fix it even. Ive told them a million times you know!"

Mr C: "Where is the key?"

Me: "What key?"

Mr C: "For the treadmill"

Me: "Dude.. there is no ignition or anything! It runs on electricity... You know, current and all that... There is a motor under it"

Mr C: "Ok..." 

I dunno why, but he went thru the crying bit again! Poor chap! He must be really embarrassed! And he had every right to be, if you ask me! After all, one doesn't get to ask these questions to a Pro like me every day right?

Me: "Dude dont cry... its fine... Look, though i have a distinct advantage over you, Ill let you in on a secret. Even with my fantastic physic, a facebook application pegged my age at 43! Ofcourse, its wrong about the age, but the point is, its never too late to start..."

I had been discoursing to him and he had been behind me all the time. I turned to see a horrific sight. Mr C had picked up one of those weight lifts, one much bigger than that 12 Kg one with the typo and started pumping in earnest. I tried to stop him, for he was a good friend... and I dint want him to hurt himself just because he compared himself to me!

Me: "Dude... stop it! You'll only hurt yourself if you try to emulate me so soon into the fitness regime!!"

Mr C: "Its OK Uncle... I've assimilated all that you told me... after all, I do respect my elders!!"

And then he went on to pump iron for some 2-3 hours (that too according to that broken clock!) and also went on to run on the treadmill after inserting a metal key into one of the slots that activated the machine... Somehow I get this weird feeling that he had been to the gym before... but I cannot say for sure!

As for my New Year resolution, I still follow it to the alphabet. 

I visit the gym everyday without fail!!!

:)

Misguided anger management...

She had a fierce look in her eyes and seemed very agitated. There were a just couple of people around her and as I approached, I could see them take cover. Small as she was (well, tiny is more like it), it did look as if she had grown about 4 feet now that she was ranting and raving, which bought her height at par with the rest of humanity. And with ppl all around her cowering in fear, I knew something had snapped. 

I could hear her loud and clear a good 100 feet away and the more I approached the epicenter, the louder and shriller it became. I now understood why there was so much commotion in front of the tea-shop. Basically, no one there could bear to go thru the pain of listening to her. People were rushing for cover, dogs were running hither and thither and I swear I saw the tree in front of the tea-shop droop in a matter of 2 minutes!

Her ravings went thus - 

"... such a lazy bum he is you know. I mean just look at him... wont even move his ass out of peoples way... Whatever happens in the world, does not seem to affect him... "

Man! She was mad.. as mad as a bull in a china shop. I figured was talking about her boy friend or something. Infact, I had seen this coming when a few days back I enquired her new year plans and she sadly told me that she is spending it in Chennai as her someone special is not in town. She is one person normally seen rushing off to Bangalore at the drop of a hat.

And here she was having had to spend her new year with Miss R and Miss D not to mention Mr G and Mr S... Yes, I can understand... anyone would be mad. But I wanted to caution her... the pain of going thru a new year like this wasn't going to go away by going hypersonic... 

I decided it was time to put an end to all the sufferings... after all, the lives of people around her were important. I gathered all the courage I could summon and went over to hr to try and reason with her... 

Me: "Dude, calm down"

Miss N: "Calm down? what's there to calm do...screeeeech"... and my glasses cracked!

She had gone hyper again... I decided to use another tactic

Me: "Listen, Its OK that you are feeling like this. I can see that you have gone thru a lot in the last 24 hrs"

Miss N: "You bet I have!"

Me: "So don't let it bother you and increase you BP"

Miss N: "Oh I'm not bothered about that!"

Me: "Eh? No? I thought you were upset about not being able to spend New year at Bangalore!"

Miss N: "Hell No! Infact I had lotsa fun right here!"

Me: "Oh! Really? Then why on earth are you making such a scene about your boyfriend in front of the entire tea shop?"

Miss N: "My boy friend? What's he got to do with this?"

Me: "Oh! I thought you were discussing about him... lazy bum and all that jazz..."

Miss N: "How dare you talk about him like that!" And immediately I knew it was my turn to take cover...

Me: "OK OK, calm down... So what were you talking about then?"

Miss N: "You see that dog lying on the street? Such a lazy bum he is you know. I mean just look at him... wont even move his ass out of peoples way... Whatever happens in the world, does not seem to affect him..."

Dogs! The greatest wars have been fought over them!!!

:-S

Overheard...

I was out with a friend on day when he got a call. The call lasted just a few seconds but as it progressed he sounded more and more alarmed at something. 

It went like this...

Frnd: "Helloo"

.....

Frnd: "This is he. May I know who is calling?"

.....

Frnd: "Oh! You don't say!"

.....

Frnd: "You don't say!!"

.....

Frnd: "You don't say!!!"

.....

I was getting worried just looking and listening to him talk on the phone. What could be the matter? What is it that the other person is saying that is getting my friend all worked up? So many questions...

After he cut the call I asked him with all the sincerity and empathy that I could muster...

Me: "I hope every thing is OK. Who was it?"

Frnd: "Oh! He didn't say!"

!!!!!!

:-S

Dwarfed amongst Giants!

In the village there is an ominous whisper to be heard.. among the trees, among the gathered folk. “They” have landed…

Everything is still for a moment… then screams, confusion and mayhem rule the roost. The fort is sealed and doubled up with sentries. Every able bodied soldier is bought out into the fray to fight. The children are sent to the safe confines of the dungeons. If you listen carefully you can hear their muffled cries. And the frightened fort awaits… their DOOM…

Every ear is tuned to the familiar clickety-click of hoofs. Once they hear that, they know their end is but hours away… Eventually the worst is confirmed… “They” have reached the gates.

The fight ensues… The fort puts up a brave fight. Slowly but surely the defences fail, one after another. Then in one final blow the fort falls… The prince is bought to his knees. But “They” are merciful… ruthless, but merciful… “They” grant the prince his freedom in exchange for treasures and submission. Having ensured victory and collected their trophies, “They” ride out into the sunset… In their Black Stallions, their mind set on their next target… But none know who or where.. And this keeps the princes in the neighbouring counties guessing and confused… Awaiting their turn, unable to defend, unable to win…

Who are “They” you ask? Well, not the Norman conquerers. But close… “They” are conquerors alright! And “They” have been relentlessly at their task for some time now… Leaving behind death and destruction wherever “They” set foot.

“They” arrive in small groups… To fight for glory and fame. “They” are trained to feel no pain, to fight till their last drop of blood, to their last breath. To do or die… The strength that makes them such a formidable foe, a force to be reckoned with.

“They” bulldoze enemy lines, leave behind carnage. “They” Bring back gold, glory and trophies, encrusted in gold, silver and precious gems to their Alma Mater.

So, what does it feel to have the best of the breed in your midst? What does it feel to look up and see glory? What does it feel to stand along side Giants?

Ask me, and I shall tell you!  Ask me, and I shall tell you stories of their victories! Ask me, and I shall deliver the victory song, with the war cry and the dances.

Ask me, and I shall tell you what it feels to be DWARFED among GIANTS.

And I’m proud of being part of the clan…

To see full (and growing) list of their conquests click –>http://greatlakes.edu.in/studentAchievements.php 

Eyww...

So I had been out searching for an electrical shop today and ended up buying some unrelated stuff from Spencers. Just as I was entering Spencers I chanced to see Mr H and Miss D.I having a cake and eating it too... 

I walked up to them in the hope that I might be offered a piece of it but soon realised from Miss D.I how quickly someone could gobble up food when faced with and adversary such as myself...

Anyway, as soon as she was able to speak (for her mouth was full of the snack that she dint want to share with me, which gave her the look of a puffed up stuffed toy) she said:

D.I: "Hi Georgei.. "

Me: "Hi D.I, Hi H"

D.I: "So what are you doin here?" 

She had a sly smile on her face, which made me wonder if it was due to something she wanted to tell me or if it was something to do with the fact that she had just gobbled up some snack (without sharing with me BTW) that was caught in her throat!

Me: "Oh just like that... had a bit of shopping to do..." I replied innocently and honestly (2 qualities that abound in me as can be seen from this very admission...)

D.I: "Who are you with?" She said pointing at a couple of, well, not so impressive girls behind me

Me: "What?! Them? Eyww... No way! I'm here alone!"

D.I: "Really? Eyww? That too from you?" she replied again with that sly smile...

Me: "Dude... I might not be all that good looking but I do have my standards, y'know... I'll settle for lower... but should be atleast your level"

;)

Frugality...

Woke up at 6 AM
Class at 7:30 AM
Too sleepy to get out of bed

Slept for another 15 mins

Have to get my ass out of bed

Can't miss class

Got up and brushed

That really din't help wake me up

Decided a bath could do the trick

Dragged myself to the bathroom

Switched on the heater

In the mean time, took a quick 5 Mins standing snooze

Boiling hot water burnt thru my feet

Danced around a bit

Something out of a tribal ritual

Poured the warm water on me

Ohh! That felt good

Felt even more sleepy!

Reached out for my soap

A sever pain shot up my arms

My fingers were bleeding

What the @#$%&&*@& 

Who keeps a razor blade in the soap box??

But it woke me up all the same

I peered in to the soap box for the weapon

but dint find any there

All I saw was Mr V's Cintol soap

Then I realised

The weapon in question was indeed Mr V's soap

It had worn down so thin that it had the thickness and sharpness of a razor blade

Is this what happens to one when you give up our job to come and do an MBA???

Frugality, thy name is Mr V!

The Weapon in Question!

Saving Grace!

I was fast running out of ideas. Frantically, I flipped thru the innumerous pages that I hoped held the key to salvation from my woes. Though the air-conditioning was at full blast, I could feel the sweat trickle down my brows. In the 10 minutes I sat there stumped, I let out so much water that it would have looked as if it rained inside the hall... and to think, it wasn't all sweat!!

I had, but 15 minutes to complete the one problem I felt would decide my fate for the Optimisation Techniques examination I was sitting thru. If i din't have the answer to this, I risked failing for the exam...

I search high and dry all over the book... and by the end of the search, I was even more low and wet...

I rackled my brains for something I might have missed... and realised I had very little brains to rackle in the first place...

I concentrated hard in trying to remember something that the Prof might have said... but i had never paid attention in his class to begin with...

I even prayed... 

And yet I could think of nothing... I was as blank as a frog staring at a flash light... and on top of it, I was starting to croak from dehydration from all the sweating and wetting I was doing...

I started getting fidgety... and the Dementors sensed it too... all three of them swooped down on me... the bunch of them... to suck out the last bit of life I had in me. I could barely breathe... not with all three of them breathing down my neck... everything started going black... I could feel the happiness go out of my life...

I knew I had to escape the grip of the Dementors. I looked around for some way of escape... something that would deliver me from the creatures... thru the corner of my eye I could see the rest of my classmates in a state of shock at my plight... but they seemed powerless to do anything at all... they knew that if they as much as moved an inch from their position, the creatures would be upon them in an instant...

It is in times like that this that I feel God does exist... just when I felt all hope was lost, I caught sight of her... her face gave me the small light of hope that I was looking for... I felt all my strength and happiness return in full vigour... and the sight of hope and happiness on my face had the strength of the Petronus Charm... In an instant, it drove all the Dementors away from me...

Her face... Miss S's face... that's what saved me... Her face showed me the path... It gave me the idea I was looking for... 

All I needed to do was put in a Dummy Supply variable!!!

:D

Klarity is key

"Shoo Shoo"

We were in the middle of a class when she started this Shoo-ing business... 

I looked across to her, half expecting something out of loony tunes. I'd always thought of her as one of the characters of the show which came alive due to some hand of god - something like Daffy Duck. As usual she had her arms flying about as if swatting flies... but only this time the expected flies were not anywhere there...

The Prof went on "If you were given the choice of starting a business, what would it..."

"Shoo Shoo" 

Man.. She even cut the Prof short! I always knew she was a bit shushy in the head... but not to the extend of Shoo-ing when a Prof is speaking! And to top it off, she had both her arms waving about now... But where were the flies? What was she Shoo-ing at?

The Prof regained his composure after this moment's distraction and continued with the lecture. The class went on smoothy for some time after that (mainly due to the fact that Mr A and I had pinned her down) till just before the break the Prof again asked some question related to the subject.

I need to be blamed I guess, if you ask me... In a moment's weakness I let go of my iron grip on her and she shot up instantly 

"Sir Shoo"

There ought to be special institutions for such people is what I say. I mean, yes, we were due for a well deserved break, but that doesn't give you the right to go Shoo-ing every other person, let alone a Prof!

"Miss, is there something I can help you with?" I could see the restraint in his voice as our Prof tried to make sense of her behaviour. 

"Shoo Sir, Shoo"

Everyone in class, including the Prof, looked at her... scandalized... and I went down on my knees imploring "Why God? Why??"

At the rate at which she was Shoo-ing, she sure was on a sure shot way out of the college. 

"If you need a break, just tell me. Its not polite Shoo-ing people" and the Prof gave us a break.

I had a good mind to strangle her... what was her problem anyway! The way she was going about the whole thing was enough to make you think she was some wayside Jilebi seller in her pervious birth... or maybe that was what she was doing before joining our college and making like all Shooy for the rest of us!

"Dude! What's your damn problem? You cannot just go Shoo-ing Profs u'know??!!" 

"Oye! Get Lost! I'm not Shoo-ing him! Im telling him my business idea... I trying to tell him that I wanna start a Shoe Store!!"

That my friend, in a nut shell, is the ever effervescent Miss S! 

:-S

Mysteries of life...

I generally don't eat in the mornings and afternoons. Yes, I only have dinner. Its part of my brilliant strategy to reduce my baby flab and get my weight to a more manageable enough number so that I may haul myself up to the 3rd floor of my college. 

But for the last 2 days I've been having certain pangs... cravings... for food. Infact I find that I'm not able to resist food, especially piping hot and spicy food. For example, today morning I was walking to college and the mesmerising smell of masala dosa from the nearby tea stall forced me to turn around and order a dosa. Even today and yesterday during lunch, I could not but resist the food that is served at the canteen here (even though the food is nothing to write home about!). At night I'm not able to keep myself from preparing those delicious Maggie Noodles.

I was discussing this with a friend and she suggested the most obvious answer... maybe I'm Pregnant! 

I looked down at my stomach.. and there it was, my round little belly... maybe she was right... sometimes I do hear the growls of some kind of being emanating from it... maybe thats my kid saying "Hi mom.. or dad... or whatever!" 

The funny thing is... I don't remember getting laid anytime in the near past either... 

Hmmm... mysteries of life I guess!!

:-S

Singapore Incidents 3 - wet-wipes

She was visibly shaking... I knew it would be bad for her... I had told her so... and yet i guess she went ahead and did it anyway! Girls! They just don't listen to wisdom!

I took her aside and sat her down on a ledge... I could see her shiver... took off my jacket and offered it and she gladly accepted... 

Me: "I told you not to do it, dint I?"

Her: "But they forced me to.."

Me: "I'm sure you could have stood you ground... even though you are as light as a feather!"

Her: "But they dared me to..."

She was imploring for understanding... I could hear it in her voice... and as a friend, I had to deliver... but why did she have to get on that damned thing!

The reverse bungee thing was scary! More so because of the price (40 Sing $)! That apart, the thing shot you up in the air at 200 Kms/Hr, keep bouncing for God knows how long, twist and turns you 4-5 times... Your entire life flashes in front of our eyes...

Me: "Ok, calm down... its over now..."

Her: "Ya... thank god!"

Me: "But I'm really proud of you... you went thru all that ordeal and came out in one piece!" :)

Her: "Yeah Right! I wet my pants!"

Eewwww! Gross! And to think I was sitting near her, had my arms around her shoulder and even gave her my jacket! 

My first instinct was to withdraw my hand... But then I remembered Joey in F.R.I.E.N.D.S (Episode 4.01) when he said "That's right, I stepped up! She's my friend and she needed help! If I had too, I'd pee on any one of you!"

Likewise, She needed my help and support... even if she wet herself... 

Me: "Hmm... So do you wanna go back to the hotel and freshen up?"

Her: "No, its fine... it'll dry up soon enough!"

What! Sheesh... and I thought girls were a bit more concerned about their appearance etc etc... evidently not this girl... its almost like she is a guy... I always had my doubts... Hmmm...

Me: "Dude! thats really gross alright! I mean its understandable that you wet yourself cos you had to get on that bungee thingy, but not cleaning up after that is just BAD!"

Her: "WHAT! YUCK! what do you mean I wet myself??"

Me: "Well, you said it yourself! That you wet yourself!"

Her: "I did not! you are just making it up!"

Readers please Note: I have proof of that statement at the beginning of this blog... So im covered!

Me: "You did too! And come to think of it, I can now see that your pants are really wet! Chee..."

Her: "Dumbo! Mr A and the gang were playing near the open fountain and they pushed me into it and thats how my pants became wet! Sheesh... you are sick! And FYI I dint get on that bungee thing! Humph!!"

Me: "Oh! I thought... I mean... Dude... I'm Sorry... My mistake... I was only looking out for you..."

Her: "Hmmm... Its Ok..."

Me: "So, why dint you go on that bungee thingy?"

Her: "Oh! Thats not for me! Id be so scared that I would probably wet my pants!!"

P.S: FYI readers... I call her Miss Wetty Pants now... 

:D

Singapore incidents 2 - What a night!

2 weeks back 43 energetic Great Lakers risked it all and travelled to Singapore and Malaysia for a week of "Study Tour". Why risked? Well, if you are a Great Laker, you will instinctively know. If not, join Great Lakes to know! :)

We were put up at a beach resort at Singapore and were allocated individual condos on a twin sharing basis. I shared mine with Ranjith. The one next to ours was occupied by Miss R and Miss Po (To differentiate from my usual scapegoat, Miss P). 

As was expected, we worked hard in the mornings visiting companies and universities and partied harder in the evenings, freaking out in the singapore night life. My typical day was from 6 Am to 2 Am (the next day obviously)

On our second day there, most of us split up into smaller groups and headed for different parts of the city. My groups went to Clark Quay, Little India etc. (there was a little incident at Little India, but thats for a later time). 

I was dead tired by the time I came back. I got into bed by around 12:30 Am only to be woken up by Ranjith who returned by 1:30 Am. Soon after I fell into deep sleep. 

But somehow, at the back of my head I could hear some excited shouts and screams from the vicinity of my condo, but I was too tired to bother. 

At around 5 in the morning I woke up to the following conversation (shouts rather)

"R! That was wonderful! Ive never had such a night! Thanks so much for the wonderful night..." 

The sleep that I was in, all this did not really register into my head and I didn't think of it. I got up and opened my door to find Mr P standing at the door of the Condo next door, (in quite an intoxicated state I must say!) hugging it and serenading almost down on his knees. I dint find Miss R anywhere though!

"Dude! Shut up! Others are sleeping... and this is no way to say somethng personal to a girl!"

"Oh! I'm sorry George..." and he strutted away, Mr BigFoot that he is. 

Later at the breakfast hall I happened to run into into Miss R. We both said the morning pleasantries and smiled at each other. Perhaps I had more than a smile on my face for she kinda gave me a look as if I was some kinda weirdo.

"I heard it all..." {Wink, Wink} I said in reply to her searching look.

"Heard what? And whats with the winking?" she asked.

Man, she knows how to act!! Well, Im not gonna leave it at that!

"Babe, you live next door... and the condos are barely sound proof y'know!" said I.

"Ya, so?" 

"Well, when I heard the noise and all yesterday, I really did not think anything... But when I heard Mr P today morning, I kinda got the idea..." {Wink, Wink}

"What idea? What are you talking about? And quit winking!!"

Ya! Right! Like you don't know! Ill get the truth outta you somehow, just you wait!

"But where was Miss Po yesterday night then?" I wondered out loud

"Po was with me!" 

"Po was also there with you!!?? Man, you people are really progressive aren't you!?" 

"What the hell are you talking about man?" She was almost on a boil...

"I heard Mr P shouting out about the 'wonderful night' and stuff! hee hee" {Wink}

"Dumbo, Its my B'Day today and all those guys came to our condo at 2 Am and took me off to an early morning B'Day party by the beach... and they got drunk but we had a real fun time! Thats what he was talking about!!!"

"Oh is that all?? Oooppsie..." 

And for the rest of the day I walked around with a permanent wink on my face!

:-D

Singapore Incidents 1 - Photo sessions

Anyone who has been to an arcade game centre (or a circus) will definitely have played the game "Popping Dolls". Basically, these stupid dolls keep popping up thru holes at random and you've got to hit them on the head to gain points. 

All thru my recent Singapore-Malaysia International study tour trip I was practically playing the game, albeit in a different way. I was playing it while trying to take pictures. 

Didn't quite get it eh? Well, picture this. Its quite the challenge getting pictures right when you are taking them on a DSLR on full Manual control (My friend Ganesh will agree, I tried teaching him the nuances of taking pictures using a DSLR during the trip). 

Finally, you manage to set up your camera to capture some good, picturesque shots. You click and look at the preview only to find a doll-like figure just popped into your frame! I swear you feel like playing the "Popping Doll" game on them!! Lucky for them, I only had my camera in my hand and not a hammer (or better a hatchet!)

So who were these doll-like figures? I call them the "Dumb Duo" - Miss Soumya B and Mr Aanand 

Some Pictures Below :) 

Who's Who!!??

Mr Peeker at Work!

The "Dumb Duo"

Miss Paris!

Head Shot

Peeka Booo.. Aint I a model?

Another one of them peekers - Abhishek

Ok! Once i got them covered!

There she goes again!

Embarrassing Truths!

College was one time when we did a lot of crazy things. At first they seem to impact the very essence of your survival and life, but once the time is past and you look back at it, many things kinda look funny. 

Ive written about my friend Anoob who has a knack of saying just the wrong things at the right time (or vice-versa)... The following incident happened when he was doing his engineering.

Ok, so there is a history to this story. Apparently when they were in their 1st year of engineering, a guy in their class got kicked out of college for playing peeping tom while a girl (lets call her Miss W) was taking bath in her apartment. This guy went around announcing this to the entire college and promptly got the boot.

Now, years later, when the rest of the class was in the 4th year, they were sitting around pulling each others legs and basically having fun. Anoob, as usual, was siting in a corner as if minding his own business. 

Mr X1: "Guys lets go for a movie"

Mr X2: "Yeah, thats a great idea!"

Miss X1: "Then we need to go home and get ready ASAP"

Miss W: "Yeah! and we need to be all fresh and beautiful for the date"

Mr X1: "Fresh and beautiful?? Hows that?"

Miss W: "Well, go get ready, take a bath, put on make up etc"

Mr X2: "Yeah right! You ppl? Fresh and beautiful? Like, do you even know what a bath is?? :-P"

At this point, Anoob, who like I mentioned, was apparently minding his own business,  got into the conversation and vehemently opposed Mr X2

Anoob: "HEY! Don't you dare say that she doesn't take a bath! We have proof! There are people who have seen her take a bath!!!"

:-S

My first payment...

Today was an important day in my photography "career" :) I got my first ever "payment" for a picture that i took of my classmate - Abhishek. What did he give me? A big pack of Cadburys Dairymilk :) (Ofcourse, i dint ask for it)

Actually, the pic in Qn is not one that im particularly proud of due to several reasons like its out of focus, the exposure was way too high, the ISO is at 1600, there is visible shake etc etc etc. 

But hey! My client is happy... Not only happy, he is positively ecstatic! And that's what matters... the happiness of your clients. Apparently, he got a LOT of positive comments and admirations from friends and others...

Thanks Abhishek!

:)

Ideas Galore!

Now that we were on a lean period here at Great Lakes, everyone has found something or the other to keep themselves engaged. The latest craze doing the rounds is entering b-plan contests. (Its got an even bigger boost since two teams from from Great Lakes made it to the final round of IIM-B b-plan contest and one of them won first place!!) It has reached such feverish levels that if you find 3 people standing together talking, you can be rest assured that they are discussing a b-plan!

Not to be left behind, and with starry eyes and dreams of prizes, my friends and I too decided "Chalo guys, lets do a b-plan"

"Yeah! great idea. Ill do the operations" said one

"And Ill do the Marketing bit" said the next

"Me, the Financials" said the last

"Cummon guys, give me something to do too!" said I

"You come up with the idea!" All of them chorused...

Great! I get the best part! No use protesting... I wasn't quick at picking topics... and since we are a democratic race, I have to accept what's given to me.

OK! let me think! ______________________________________

Ok, I've hit a blank in under a minute! Could be a world record of sorts, I'm sure! "Guys! you need to help me out here... What kind of business are we looking at?"

"The money making kind!" they said... Trust my friends to give out readymade answers for these very critical and important questions in unison...

"I know it needs to be money making and all. But are we looking at products or services?" I prod

"Products!"

"Services!"

"Either!"

Great! For this they don't have a common answer!

"Ok lets go over it, what kind of product?"

"Oh! Oh! I've got it!" said Mr V. He was so excited that he was going round an round on all fours all over his bed as if chasing his own tail!

"Dude! What's with the doggy style?! Calm down and spit out the bone!"

He gave me a frown that I swear only a doggy could have given. I decided not to press the issue, lest I end up barking up the wrong tree...

"How about making an oil cube?" he said

A what?? Is it some kind of industrial stuff?

"Err... what?" we ask

"An oil cube! Y'know instead of buying an entire 1 liter pack of cooking oil, buy just a cube of it" he said

I guess we stared at him way too long. He continued "Ok, Ok how about a Chai Cube? Y'know like sugar cubes?"

"Guys, cummon! Thats a good idea no?... No?? Ok, Ok, how about cigarette cubes?"

And I'm wondering why he is so fixated on cubes! I guess he realised it too, and he changed his underlying ideas... on life itself!

"How about an automatic shaver?" he asked

"How would that work?" we asked

"Well it will have a mechanism like a rubber band that you put across your ears in front of your face and then the blade will move automatically over it and clean those stubs!"

Yeah! Right! and by the end of it all we will look like the Terminator without its living covering tissue!

"Or how about a chair that you will never fall down from?"

Why? Are you stuck to it, I felt like retorting.

"How it will work is that it will have high pressure air blowers from below that will keep the chair from falling down! Fantastic, right?!"

By the end of these barrage of ideas we decided that 'product' was not the way to go about with our b-plan. 

Finally, we did hit upon a services idea that we discussed and implemented a b-plan on. 

But Mr V still has not given upon his futuristic product ideas. We find him lost in thought and every once in a while he jumps up and goes "Eureka! Eureka!". Luckily for us, he sops with the exclamations and does not do what Archimedes did - run across the street streaking!

:)

A different kind of blast!

25th July, 2008 – Friday Evening.

7 BOMBS GO OFF IN BANGALORE
2 PEOPLE KILLER, 7 INJURED
THE IT CAPITAL TARGETED BY TERROR

These were the headlines that were flashing on the TV screens. I sat there biting my nails. Bangalore was a relatively safe city compared to other cities in India and with the best brains in the country making a beeline for the pink city, it was assumed that such incidents would not happen there.

My wife was at Bangalore and was to leave for our home town. After a million tries I got thru to her and to my relief she was fine.

The next day matters got worse...

AHMADABAD HIT BY SERIAL BLASTS
17 BOMBS GO OFF AT AHMADABAD
60 KILLED, 100s INJURED

Man, what's happening to this country? Bombs everywhere.

Another news the next day...

OVER 15 UNEXPLODED BOMBS LOCATED AT SURAT
NO CASUALITIES
POLICE DIFFUSE BOMBS

Oh good! Atleast they were diffused before they caused havoc.

Soon Monday rolled in and we were all in class. I saw a classmate, Miss N, who was in Bangalore over the weekend. I went upto her and enquired about the incident

Miss N: “Ohh Yeah! It happened quite far away from my place”
I sensed a tone of regret in her voice. Some ppl are just plain weird I guess... I mean who would want a bomb to go off next to your house?!

She continued “Anyway, nothing much happened because it was low intensity”

Me: “Thank goodness for that!”
“So, how was your weekend away?” I ask

Miss N: “Ohh! It was too good. I was at Bangalore and I had a BLAST!”

Well, Duuh!!

:-!

What did I do??

Me: "Hey, i need to tell you something..."

She came near... 

Me: "Its kinda embarrassing..."

Her eyes went wide...

I was certain she became apprehensive, thinking "What is it he wants to tell me?"

I guess its curiosity.. or inquisitiveness if you wanna call it that... She was all ears

Miss X: "Ya, tell me..."

Me: "Are you sure?"

Miss X: "Ummm... ya..."

I could feel the tension in her voice...

Me: "Ok... but dont hate me for this, alright?"

Miss X: "Okie..."

Ok, here goes nothing... "Your zip is open!" I announce into her ears...

Miss X: {SCREEEECH!!!} 

Woah! I dint expect that reaction... Before I could calm her down she was jumping up and down! But instead of trying to zip up, she instantly headed for behind a car...

Me: "Hey, Dude... cool down its ok... its ok..."

Miss X: "WHAT?! HOW CAN YOU SAY ITS OK?"

I was so taken aback that I just looked at her...

Miss X: "AND STOP STARING AT ME, YOU FREAK!"

I woke up from my trance... I had to calm her down before her screams bought the entire school down...

Me: "Listen, calm down... I fix it for ya, come here" and I extended my hand to help...

Wrong thing to say to a girl I guess... now she was running away from me as if paranoid... the last I saw of her, she was running into the girls restroom, arms swinging over her head... Girls are difficult to figure out... 

I don't know what the fuss was all about... all I wanted to tell her was that the zip of her laptop bag was open...

:-S